2011 My road to George

17 years ago I fell so in love with Scott, I just knew I would never love another man ever again. A baby changes everything. I have been guarding my heart for 9 months knowing this little one would have me at first breath, but the road was rocky and there were hazards and we didn't know if he or mom Salina would make it. Little George is a blessing and our little miracle. His mom and dad have been trying for years. No route was working even stepping into the adoption path. SO they saved their pennies. Anthony knew from his birth that it would be a challenge for him to be a biological father.
How grateful we are for the light and knowledge from God that inspires science and that hand picked invetrto worked. Salina was under an extreme regimen of pills and shots daily while they worked to harvest her eggs. She is the toughest mentally non complaining woman I have ever meet and it was heartbreaking to see the suffering physically she endured. All the hormones created what is called hyper stimulation which them caused her liver mega problems she was at the hospital almost daily with IVs and not fun testing.
They got a record 16 eggs. Five once fertilized (with Anthonys microscoped- hand picked for the strongest healthy swimmers) took and were healthy embryos. Two implanted. Then one was lost and she started to bleed. We all grieved at the loss of a twin. But Joy seemed tempered as we held our breath and prayed for Salinas health. She had to quit her job and be on bed rest for months. Saline dealt with constant bleeding and wondering if the blood clot created in her womb would keep little George from properly attaching to the wall. The doctors were grim. Each ultra sound and there were lots of them I was just numb. I was so scared something would happen to Salina and I know my brother would be just broken without his Salina and we adore Salina and seeing her so ill so not herself was hard.

But as weeks passed into months her health very slowly improved and then one day little embryo showed us he was George and was finally bigger than the blood clot so the chance of losing him or hurting mom and diminished not completely but enough for us to take a breath and thank the Lord for family and miracles. Still I am always constantly on a vigil of what is the next death or disaster thinking that if I am waiting it will hurt less or I'll somehow be able to stop it. I know it is crazy and exhausting being hyper vigilant. But I thought if we lose little George or worse lose Salina I can't handle it so I will just not feel anything.

After the trial of not having a child of my own I think it was especially hard to watch them struggle with infertility and knowing what it meant if it didn't work. Friends would ask... aren't you so excited? I would smile but inside I wanted to scream no. I am terrified. I don't want to bury another family member. Yes I am drama. I feel things really deep I wonder if it is some sort of compensation for not being able to smell. I didn't buy anything for the baby. I remember the devastation of returning baby items that would not be need years ago and I could not do it again. I watched our family struggle with juggling extreme Joy and fear. Anth would see a cute little bib and bring it home to surprise Salina and she would say we don't even know if we will need it. The hormones truly make you not yourself and I can only imagine seeing blood daily wondering if today was the day you lost the second one. The times in my life where I have been in constant prayer I feel so close to God who is always there but I am fickle and distracted by sparkly and I forget how much he wants my happiness and growth. He always saves the better part for me even when I can't see it at the time. How grateful I am for all the answers I received that I thought were wrong but were exactly what I needed.
Yesterday Aug 5, 2011 at 2 am Salina got up to go to the bathroom and frequent visit for expecting mommies. Her water broke or maybe she wet her pants never having had a baby before she was not sure. A call to the hospital followed by a check at the hospital meant baby was coming. She was 4 days or so form being full term and he was due at the end of August but I kept telling them he would come early. They really wanted him born in August not Sept and he delivered. by about 10 am there was not progress on the dilating so patosen was given and in one hour she went to a 10. A nurse happened by the room for a check and just took a look. You are having this baby now. Anthony went into shock. After and hour and a half of pushing we had our boy! I'm head over heels in love! It is so great to see Anthony as a dad. He feels all this weight and bliss and is loving it. Salina is so calm and happy and beautiful. I love watch her hold him. He looks just like her to me. George makes these adorable noises. Scott says he looks just like a little old man a general authority. Scott calls him buddy. Hello little buddy, Scott says as he snaps photos. Scott won't hold him, he is not a baby person. I am dying to hold him but I am sick and can't yet hold him so I made him the photo on the cell phone wall paper and I cradle that. From the first glance this boy has me for life.