2011 Memory Lane photo scan

Scharrier Roller Coaster

Sometimes when I feel a little stretched thin I remember my roots. I never knew my Grandma Scharrier as she died the year before I was born. I have heard wonderful stories about her all of my life and I adore her two children. My Grandpa Scharrier I saw on an old video a few days back holding and talking to my little brother on Thanksgiving the year he was one. It would have been shortly before his stroke when He had a voice. I miss him. Then i think about my dad. He was larger than life and full of adventure. All of this helps me make it through the roller coaster of Aunt Sue.
I noticed yesterday she was trying to play with the gas range. She could not tell that she had turned on the gas. I could not smell the gas. I am trying to help her see that not playing with the gas is a good ideas since we do not want to blow up our brand new home or ourselves. Then after the past week of pretending that she was asleep when I asked if she wanted to come see the play she said "Honey- I am coming out to every performance! I have a black dress from last season and it is 90 degrees perfect for the theater." This was at 6am after she did not sleep at all last night. Which is a change from her sleeping almost 24-7 for the last few weeks. There are times I love the mania of her because she seems so happy and it reminds me of the way she use to be. I have mourned the loss of her stages as her illness has progressed. Then she is manic and I feel like I have some part of her old self back but it terrifies me as I know the fall is coming. Part if being a Scharrier is taking care of each others ups and downs. With Sue there are more dramatic highs and lows but I can say that I would not be the person I am without her having been a huge part of my life. I hope I am not letting my dad or grandparents down by not helping Aunt Sue more. I always wonder if I am doing the right thing or too much or not enough. Some days I just want to walk in to her room and curl up on her bed and pour my heart out like I use to... and have her tell me everything will work out and have her remind me how wonderful I am and that I can do anything. I have always felt unconditional love and acceptance from her as it is her gift. She is without judgment. I wonder if she learned it from her parents or God sent her to earth with it. Whatever the root I am a humble recipient of that love over my life which makes some of the ups and downs easier.

8 years since Dad died

It was hard for me again on Oct. 10. It has been 8 years since my daddy died. Tonight Karson asked if it has gotten easier. Yes, it has. But the pain only takes longer breaks from visiting. I asked Scott once when I would get over the death and he replied "When you are with him again". Time is a healer. I use to hate that saying and think it was a lie but for me it is true and Just the fact that I can admit it is easier I feel is a huge step. Death is especially hard for me to deal with. Not that anyone loves death. I had lots of death in my life from a early age. I have friends in their 30s that have not been to a funeral. How would that be? I have friend that have all 4 grandparents alive and both parents. If I did not have the gospel of Jesus Christ death would be unbearable. The only way to remove the sting of death is to remove the love form life. No love in life makes for a very sad existence. SO I love deeply and when death comes even though it is temporary it hurts. For many years I did not even seek comfort I just relished the pain and held it so tight. My little brother finally convinced me to get to the Temple a few months after my dads death and it was absolutely a confirmation of life after death and the fact that our loved ones are still very much involved with loving and caring for us. I guess my dad was just so human, such huge personality that it makes it seem very lonely without him. Anthony and I often comment to each other that once he died it was as if we lost 100 people at once. He had a huge presence in Scott's and my life. He had more confidence than anyone I know and he did many secret acts of charity, which we found out about after his death. He worked hard and told me not to burn my bridges. I was such a pill in my teen years and wasted so many years fighting with him and causing him grief. I apologized many times and he always would give me a huge hug and say you sure cut your nose off despite your face but I love you. He loved babies and held me when I would cry about not being able to have a child of my own. He would cut out articles about adoption and give them to Scott and I to encourage us. He loved babies. During my cleaning this week of my scrapbook supplies I found a note he wrote to me in 1985. Sometimes Scott and I will just start to cry about missing him and then we tell our favorite stories and start to laugh. He was so excited to see his mom and dad again. Now it is Aunt Sue who says she can't wait to be with them again. She told me really sweet stories of their childhood today, she LOVED her little brother. I enjoy having her live with us, it makes me feel close to my family that is gone. I may even be ready to scrapbook the photos of his funeral. 8 years closer to seeing him again sounds nicer than 8 years since I held his hand or heard him laugh or wiped away one of his wet scratchy mustache kisses. I miss you Dad.

Conference Weekend in St. George

I LOVE my cousins! I am so very grateful that Kelly and Sean would be willing to drive me all the way to and from St. George so I could see my cute mom. She is one funny lady. We had the best time looking at old photos and listening to conference. We stayed int he house all most the whole time either playing cards or organizing, but we had fun together. I think we do best on a one on one basis. She seems to focus the best this way is does not get overwhelmed. Plus it is always nice to be with one person at a time. I could not get over how much little Sarah just adores her. She is not the best with young children- she is awesome with teens but little 3 year old Sarah thinks Aunt Mary is the bomb. She kept running to her lap and wanting kisses. It made me feel sad for my mom with now of her own grand kids since Anth and I are sort of childless. She totally loves my older siblings kids but I think it is different to have your very own and I felt sad for her. I have not been feeling sad for the last few weeks about not having a child. I think I may not be ready in this life for the adventure. That is really a blessing because it gets old to have a broken heart with children all around. For some reason I just not as into kids as I used to be. This alarms Marlene but I assure her I still love kids I just don't want any of my own anymore-- at least not in this life-- for now. Scott teased me and said "Really? because now I want to adopt"- he is a tease. Aunt Susan is looking great and it was fun to have her back to normal. Sean and I sang John Denver songs all the way home. Kelly and Teri and I had great gospel talks on the way down. Mom and I laughed and really enjoyed each other. I feel like I didn't get to really hear conference but I will just study the talks and re listen like always and I am sure it was awesome. I think for me it is best to be at home for conference with no distractions. The stand outs were the angel talk and being good in sacrament. I liked them all but they did not sin k in yet. I missed my cute honey who was keeping the home fires burning in my absence. He is in full hunting swing. He is my good buddy and I miss him in the fall:( I cried as I left St. George. I do not like going there because I think of my dad to much. His dream was to live there since he was a teenager. He came on a trip from New York as a teen to the area and decided he would one day live there. He spent his last years there and it just makes me think of him. Once my mom is gone I'm not sure I will be able to go anymore- it really hurts inside and makes me sad. I worry about my mom who has very poor health but I' not sure how to help. I pray but not sure what else to do, excpet try and bum rides to see her.

Kauai Marriott

Lynda and Neal are the best in laws in the whole world. They are so kind to us and we cry each time we have to say goodbye. I wish we lived closer to his parents. Any chance we get to spend time together is a real treat. Neal does not like to travel. He says he can sit by the pool or avoid the sun at home. I say but you can't be with us! He did not comment:) I know he loves us, especially Scott. Neal and Lynda are good moral people. They are honest, hard working, charitable, smart and classy. Here are some photos of where we stayed on Kauai. If you ever have the change to stay there on Poi Pou Marriott vacation club-- do it. We could have spent the whole week and never left and been in heaven. The ocean was like an aquarium right in front of our resort. We snorkeled almost every single day. I was thinking that it is one of my very most enjoyable things in the whole world to snorkel. Lynda and I swam in the salt water pools that were heavenly. I always pretend that I am in the Olympics in the pool. I started this as a young child with my little brother at a condo we had growing up. I do gymnastics, ice skating and synchronized swimming. Anth would be the judge and we had such fun. I missed him. I had a very nice bar routine this trip he would have been impressed with the tricks I picked up from Nastia and Shawn. To swim at night and see the bright stars and tiny half moon was breath taking. It is not as fun to do my routines with out judges but I sure did enjoy the water. My dad always called me a mermaid and had a hard time getting me out of the water. Now it is Scott who has to drag me out. Lynda and Neal watched the Republican convention with us. I really enjoyed Sarah and wish she was running for President. It distracted everyone which helped me get in extra pool time to work on my floor routine and triple lutz.

Pearl Harbor Hawaii

My dad always would tell me about Pearl Harbor. He was there twice. Once with my mom and once alone. He felt very impressed by the significance of the sacred grounds where so many lost lives while serving our country. I was so sad the whole time. I just felt unhappy that mankind can do these things to each other. It did not make me feel better that we got them back-- I just felt more sad. Scott felt better that we got them back, that we fought Hitler, I guess I wish we had got involved sooner. I thought about all the wives, sweethearts, moms, dads, sisters, brothers, children back home that never had the change to finish life with the one they loved. War is yucky. I am very glad that I live in a country that fights for freedom and against evil but it is still very sad. You could see oil leaking from the Arizona. I thought it was interesting that the park service and the Navy work together there. It is a beautiful monument. I did not know that men have chosen to be buried there after they died, years later to be placed at sea with the friends that fell so long ago. I had my picture taken in the same spot my mom and dad stood in the 80s by the big anchor that was blasted far away. I think if I ever go there again I would like to rent the head set and learn a little more about it all and have some time alone to reflect. It was nice to have Taylor and Sami there to keep me hopeful for the future and not so sad about what happened so long ago. I think it is important that we remember the past and the sacrifice that people have made for us. I'm glad we went.

Happy 75th Daddy

I can hardly believe my cute daddy would be 75. That is a big number. It makes me ache to think about how much I miss his voice. I cried at the concert I attended when they sang Shenandoah. I always cry at that one and at When you walk in the rain hold your head up high. He sang them both in his mixed chorus in High School at South High. He loved those songs. One of me good friends sang them at his funeral. Death is not a big bunch of fun. I was talking about my dad the other day to someone who said "to bad he smoked and drank and that it had killed him". Scott and I smiled. Dad died from his kidneys failing. His kidneys failed from his heart being enlarged. His heart was enlarged from his sleep apnea. He snored like a bear. For all my life he snored so loud it disturbed all our sleep. When the doctors told us "he died from lack of oxygen over the years" I could hardly believe that snoring could cause death. Since my best friends dad had a stroke from the same thing... Breathing is vital to life- if you know a snorer-- please have them go get a sleep study. If he would have done it even 5 years earlier than he had he would be having a 75 with us. My dad quit smoking when I turned 3, I can remember the last time he went out to the car port to smoke. Then he just cold turkey quit. He let me help him throw away the last of the boxes. He had not been drinking or smoking for over 25 years before he died. I can't really blame the person because they did not know him. It is hard to know someone who does not live close by and that you see often. It doesn't mean you don't love them, it just makes it harder to really know them or see changes in them. I was blessed to witness mighty changes in my dad, my self, and my husband. Christ can truly change us if we let him. He would have loved to have all of us together, having a BBQ, going fishing, or eating at one of his favorite places like the Italian Village. He would have complained about money, teased Anthony, gave me a wet kiss on the check (I used to hate the wet kisses- what I would give for one now), sing my mom a song and trouble her about her closet, harassed Aunt Sue, called Kelly to remind him that it was his day first, and then sang Happy Birthday to himself. I know I will see my dad again someday, but waiting is not fun. OH how I miss him. Happy Birthday Daddy!

Velveeta, crawdad fishing, and East Texas

I don't know if I am spelling that right but Scott went with his friend Mike to Strawberry reservoir to go crawdad fishing. He had a great time with Mike and Kaden. Mindie, Bella (their daughter), and I stayed home. SO it was a boys day out. I guess you dangle a chicken leg from a string and then they suck onto the leg and voila! Scott then came home and cooked them got the meant out and made jumblia(sp). He used sausage from a local place and really enjoyed his dish. Aunt Sue thought the sausage was a little too spicy and took away from the taste of everything else. I did not even take one tiny bite. It looked like tiny lobster meat. I guess I am haunted by the memories of being in east Texas and Louisiana and watching people eat crawfish's which look very similar. Down south they would pinch bite slurp chew swallow toss. They would make loud noises and rude comments while consuming the tiny things. It was yucky to watch so I just can't bring myself to taste them. Strawberry does bring back lots of memories for me of fishing with my dad. Actually he would fish I would debate with him about killing the fish. He always said that they could not feel it but I proved him wrong when I touched one and it moved. How could it feel me touch it but no the big hook nor the big bonk in the head? Sometimes I would read and hike around before crying. I liked his tackle box and all the colorful lures and little bottles of shinny things. I sure would love to be with him again on a fishing trip. I enjoyed the time with my dad and I think he loved to fish and maybe even enjoyed my desperate pleas for the fish. That is why I can't eat Velveeta cheese-- because my dad often used it as bait and so to me when I see the yellow box I think fish bait. Scott is sometimes surprised I can even last a day in the real world with all my little quirks.

St George trip

Here are a few other memories from our trip.

1. Scott going to the new In-n-Out and send Anthony cell phone photos of the small limited menu. 2. Carli barking and growling at me mom protecting me while in the parking lot. 3. Seeing Mason and Ellen and the sweet kids they have that are going up way to fast. 4. Eating breakfast at the new Egg and I with Aunt Susan and hearing about how instead f replacing her diamond ring she got Kelly a new trumpet- how is that for a super mom? 5. Being with Lynda and Neal 6. Taking Mungo (his remains in a cedar box) with us on our trip. 7. Being able to read scriptures with Mom Marianne and say prayer with her too. She gave Scott a cute birthday moose. 8. Going to Grandma's grave at Zion and how Carli laid on the headstone. 9. Seeing how compassionate and calm and cool Michele was under the pressure of ICU. 10. being able to sign Cheree's heart pillow. 11. Ate at the new Pizza Factory with all the gang. 12. It snowed on our way home- in May snow... what happened to the global warming? 13. Listened to Phantom on the way home with Scott. 14. Celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary amid the chaos. 15. Glad that Mason and Scott could give Priesthood blessings. 16. Marianne in the ICU- she is an original- good luck with you eye operation n Wed. mom:) 17. the family that ate all the food in ICU and never washed their hands and how Missy started to tell them off and I don't think they spoke English or pretended they did not understand. So I may not be the best person in the family under pressure:) 18. Lynda reminding me that we each have a purpose on earth and God decides when it starts and ends-- that we must endure. 19. Neal gave us awesome produce:) 20. Ellen gives great hugs:) 21. Boyd got a huge deer I'm not excited about it but everyone else was. 22. Everyone telling Ted stories until we cried form laughing so hard-- I miss you dad:)

Are you there?

Today is the day my dad died. It was not the best day. This day Scott is not with me either and I have had little to no sleep. I asked Scott the last time I cried about my dad when I would quit missing him. Scott replied "When you're dead". But I have not started to cry today. I have been thinking about him all day. My cute dad did not understand voicemail. He would leave me these messages, that were so funny because he thought I could hear them. He would repeat "Are you there? Pick up the phone- it's you cute daddy!" Sometimes he would make us songs daring me to pick up the phone. I loved the time frame of the calls. I was living with Scott not far from their house. He would call and ask me if I wanted to go to Harmon's to get an ice cream with him. Or if it was summer he would want to go get a shaved ice. He loved the Tiger bloods flavor. I have the voicemail calls recorded- I need to find them. My dad was larger than life. He reminds me of a cartoon character. When I think of all the crazy funny things he did that is the only way I could think of to describe him to someone who never knew him. Once he told me friend Melissa he could baptizer her right then in the bath tub. Melissa was also the friend he shout out to right in the middle of a performance and told the whole audience how she like the soup he made. We have a very dear person in our lives going through a divorce. It has been very painful as he did not want the marriage to end. It has made me feel very deeply for the pain my dad had in his life. The older I get and the more I see in struggles seems to make my parents and grandparents stories come alive and I appreciate so much the sacrifices made for me. I miss him, I miss his wet kisses and scratchy mustache, I miss his telling me my faults, I miss how much he loved babies, I miss how he embarrassed me in public, I miss the way he would turn the T.V. up to drown us out, I miss how much he loved Scott and the trouble they got in together, I miss how he took great care of us, I miss his voice, I miss that he didn't see Anthony on his wedding day or graduation day, I miss that he wasn't there when Scott was made Bishop, I miss that he has missed every holiday since his death, I miss that he doesn't know my new friends, I miss how he was sooooo him. So today I wonder "Are you there dad?" I know his spirit lives on but I'm not sure about what it is he does all the time and if or how often he can listen in. I'd tell him I miss his smile and that I want him to hold me forever and thanks for every little thing he did for me. I'd tell him my mom is lonely. I'd ask him all kinds of questions about his past the the future and what he thinks about -- well everything. If he would call today I wouldn't let it go to voicemail- I'd be there. OK- now I'm crying.

Blue Moon and Aunt Sue's heart- both double meanings

Have you ever wondered where the saying "Once in a blue moon" originated from? Tonight I learned all about it. I went star or rather moon gazing at Snowbird. It was clear sky and a brilliant full moon. The second full moon in the month of May. This only happens once every 2 and 1/2 years. SO about 41 times every century. It is not that the moon is really blue. It has been blue before due to ice crystals or volcanic ash in the atmosphere. One of the professions that catches my interest every so often is astrology. It make me feel so tiny in the scheme of things. It demonstrates Gods power and the infinite possibilities. Imagine being John Glenn and getting the first view from a human of the earth while orbiting around it. Seeing day and night pass faster than time. I wonder about the amazing difference between the light of day and the light of night. It is awesome when I remember to wear my glasses and can see all the stars. I got to have a very long talk with Aunt Sue and we love to discuss all kinds of topics. One of which was outer space. She has been at the doctor every week as she is having some health issues. She is in arterial fibrillation and her diabetes seems to have reappeared. She does not like to leave the house, nor take more medications. The upside for me is long talks while she has tests and we wait at the doctors and hospitals. Often at home she is so engrossed in a book or soap opera she won't really have a long conversation. I love her laugh and how she explains things. She talked about my dad and her being so close while growing up. Her memories of vacations she took to up state New York as a child, how my dad was popular and outgoing, how my grandpa would not take my dad to the doctor when he got in a fight. He was angry his son would get in a fight. Aunt Sue walked him all the way to the hospital and waited with him while he was in shock. SHe had to fight the hospital to see him as they had no money or insurance. He fought with a boy who had a ring on and it cut his face very bad. I remember the scar he had from that fight. That was why he wore a mustache, to hide the scar. She talked about her first true love, and how she wonders what if... his name was Tom. He was Irish. Tom ended up marring a girl from Sweden when Aunt Sue broke his heart. He tried to change her mind and even continued to send Valentines cards to her. It was a long distance relationship as he still was in New York and she had come to "Zion" Utah. My grandparents looked him up one year on a visit to New York to see family. At the time he had 3 little boys. She thinks he was a drinker and is glad she choose Jay and his red hair so she could have Susan and her red hair and Jake and his. She doesn't seem sad to much anymore about Jay living with another woman, when I last saw him he said he felt guilt at not realizing Aunt Sue had mental issues and instead just thought she was mean. I think it would be better to be Aunt Sue and not have as many regrets. She wonders why she out lived her parents and my dad. Grandma and my dad both died so young. She talks about all the deaths and her best last memories with each of them. She tells me about my older sisters and brother when they were young and the fun times they used to have. We talk about God, love, family, politics, Scott, technology, the past and the future. I could not get her to come see the Blue Moon, but she will listen to me describe it in detail. I hope they get her heart figured out, her doctor is very nice- which coming from me is saying alot-- I'm not big on doctors. So I am grateful to still have Aunt Sue and to not have any "what if's" in my past about boys I wish I had married. I just adore Scott and he is-- well I can't even totally describe the place he holds in my heart. I may have cared or crushed before him but I never did LOVE before him. He has my heart, the whole thing. Hope you were able to enjoy the Blue Moon with someone you love:)

Crazy Busy

I laugh as I look at our calendar. I have had 2 - 5 YW events each week since my new call, on top of all Scott's new stuff. I can't even keep up. I have to stop and think... where am I?... what's going on?... what's next?... Last night after the camp meeting I called to Beki-- see you Sunday. She looked concerned "um Missy, how about tomorrow night?" Yip I almost forgot the Royal Daughters of God dinner. Guess who is in charge of that? ME. SO I guess it helps to go if you are the one in charge.

I feel like life is passing me by so fast. I am enjoying the season changes. Except the wind- it is blowing away all the little flowers. It's gorgeous watching the trees fill with snow, covering the brand new blossom's. It was grand and I even sang Christmas songs and yelled Merry Christmas to passers by. This snow would not have been so grand if I had realized it would ruin my centerpiece plans. I was going to copy my big sister and do these really cute terracotta garden flower things. Well today when I went to buy the last touches.. the flowers... guess what? They were all awful. Dying or shriveled up. They were selling them for cheap because the flowers were ruined from the snow. They said you can still but them and plant them they will bloom next season. That idea did not help- as it would have been a long dinner (a year) as we waited on the flowers to bloom again. I had a little tantrum-- no yelling, just giving up. Scott kept saying "Honey, why not just get beautiful roses?" He just did not get that I had this idea and it was cute and perfect for our theme and I wanted to create it. I have never done dirt. I create lots... but not dirt.

So I grabbed the cell phone, called the Lion House and ordered the ivy/ frosted fruit candle hurricane's. Scott started to laugh when he heard they were only $5.00, and took a 3 minute call. Why do women do this to themselves he wondered?!? I think he meant why do we do it to them. If he would allow me to shop all by myself, he would not have to suffer. He kept reminding me to not use words like always-- because the last time we shopped it went fine-- but as a woman I kept thinking of the time before. Poor Scott he looked so confused. I'm just glad to have someone to share the journey of life with- bumps and all.

The cake and rolls were yummy tonight. But I cried at the Lion House, it was where my wedding was 12 years ago-- with a cute dad that was alive. I remember sitting with him, holding his hand and talking. We were waiting for the que to walk down the isle. I was so engrossed in the moment I forgot my bouquet. I walked down the isle with my smiling dad and no flowers. I thought about all the dead people who were alive then. I miss them. I know I will see them again but I miss them now. I think I need to get some sleep... perhaps I will dream about one of them:) I hope so.

Treasure

This is the time of year when we reflect on the greatest treasure in the history of history. The Atonement and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. When I was young we used to spend some Easters in Arizona. They do this fabulous Easter pageant at the Mesa Temple grounds. It is scenes from the life of Jesus. I loved this time of year. I remember holding my nephews on my lap as they watched the pageant with wide eyes. They started to know when the good parts were coming and would shout..."Aunt Messy, Jesus is coming... watch". I loved holding Teddy because he had curly blond hair, which I could play with because he would be distracted watching. One year when we were riding home with Michelle's family the youngest son said... "Jesus is the best". We all smiled until several moments later he said... "Grandpa, your the best", which is when we started to laugh. Michelle said... "Yep dad, you and Jesus." I wish I had wrote down all the funny things they have said over the years.
It was wonderful to be with my family, in sunny AZ. Usually the orange blossoms were in full swing and sometimes it would rain and the little ground areas that were sunk down would fill with water making lots of little ponds. The ground was so dry that it could not take it in. It reminds me of me. Am I allowing myself to become so dry that the gospel has a hard time penetrating? It takes daily effort. It is not big things that can distract and pull me away. Little bad feelings unresolved, not being diligent in my media choices, watching the news, becoming overwhelmed and getting discouraged. All of this tears away at the protections of the spirit. We are commanded to be happy to have joy and be cheerful. To look on the bright side. If I can keep my heart soft then I can always take in "water" and never thirst. If I make mistakes which is bound to happen-- I can repent and start all over. Spring is a wonderful time of year. Fall is my first favorite season and then Spring. I love Utah and the 4 seasons. I just realized my 2 favorite seasons also are when General Conference is held each year... Spring and Fall. It is beautiful to watch the earth change and I'll bet equally beautiful to see people transform as they walk with Christ becoming brand new in the Lord.
I took these photos at the Temple when I went the other day. Easter is a time of rebirth and joy at the wonder of Christ overcoming death and the world. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time for a day and relive a day when my dad was alive. I heard a quote that really touched me. I can't find the exact words or who it was that said it but it went like this... Let me enjoy the bread before there is none, Love the people before they are gone and live my life before it is through. So instead of wishing I could time travel who can I appreciate today, before they are gone? It sounds morbid but it is really a joyful way to express thanksgiving for blessings. I am so glad to believe in Jesus as the Christ, to know that I can see my loved ones again and that each week I can renew my covenants and repent and start new.

Successful Marriages

I love to collect happy marriage stories and examples. If you look for them they are easy to find. One of them is Trudy and Al. They were sweethearts from the get go. Trudy is a feisty loving New York lady. She teaches me things like "When you gotta go-- go. Nevah hold it." and "it doesn't matter what you think it matters how they feel." Trudy married Uncle Al Charrier. Trudy was a foster child. Trudy loved life and Al. I found out that Trudy is dying. I hate cancer. I know that we will see each other again but I miss them in this life, now. I ache for Al. He sounds really lost and lonely. She didn't know him today at hospice. It all seemed to happen really fast. They don't even know what kind of cancer it is. I loved listening to her. I loved teasing her and listening to stories about my dad, Aunt Sue, my Grandparents and how much she loved Al. I'm glad to have had her in my heart and life growing up. I'm glad that she and Al had a successful marriage. The down side is it makes separation almost unbearable. I hope Al will be OK, he is amazing. He is the most fit man of his age I know. He loves to walk and we love to talk to Uncle Al. I think he is the most handsome of the Charriers, my dad always thought so too. The are only one month apart and lived together for many years. My dad adored Al. It is fun to be a Scharrier because there is so much love. I cried listening to Aunt Sue console Al by phone "it will be OK darling." They are all so sweet on each other-- it is wonderful to belong. Al would love for Anthony to change the Scharrier back to the real spelling of Charrier. My dad wanted to do it but he was FRUGAL, and never spent the money. Anthony wonders if he should change his name before he has kids. I hope he has kids so the Scharrier name lives on. I'm sick about Trudy... she will really be missed in out family and our hearts.

Busy

What a week. I am starting to really look forward to a vacation from normal everyday busy life. With cute Aunt Sue sick, my new Stake YW calling, Scott still adjusting to Bishop, My Uncle in the hospital, divorce's all around, both Anth's cars broken down, many wards to visit, work, a big virtue event, 2 big dinners to plan and a partridge in a pear tree-- I'm feeling a little spent. So what a treat to be filled with the light and love from the General YW Open house held at Temple Square. I look forward to going every six months. It was one of the reasons I was sad to be released and now am happy to be in YW again. You will be able to read the transcripts off of lds.org in a few weeks which I will love because instead of rushing to jot down all the notes I really relaxed and let the spirit wash over me with ideas and enjoyed the moment. It gave me a totally different perspective on the girls I serve and the power of scriptures and prayer. I got to go with two of the best ladies in the whole world and we had a great day.

Then today Scott went with me to see my Uncle in the hospital. It was tough. He looks really bad. I'm glad my mom isn't up here because I think it would break her heart. Hospitals remind me of my dad being sick. He fought so long and hard, with his heart problems. He was a determined man, he and Scott would always say to me Never, Never, Never give up.

I can't tell if my uncle is fighting or angry. He has suffered from alcoholism for my entire life. I wish I could say I knew him better but I don't think he wanted to know us. He always said he didn't fit in, which is sad. My mom never says anything negative about him or his choices. She is a great example in the not judging arena. I don't judge him-- who am I to judge, anyways? But for some reason he lead a life mostly apart from us. We would see him on most major holidays and at funerals and weddings (before he got really sick). It made me sad to think of him alone. He has friends, but I don't know how close they are. I hope since we have no kids that we won't die alone in a hospital bed.

My parents friends and the Italian Village

My mom has been friends with George and Linda and Howdy- Do- DI and Annette and (Gordan and Susan -Tom (and the late Jill) who didn't come last night) for 50 years. Linda and my mom went to high school together. They were all friends during my moms first marriage and then it continued on for her second. One of the things I love about getting together with them is Glen or Howdy-do-di. My mom gave him a wedding present of T.V. tray back in the 60's. He still thanks her for them every time we see them. Now he teases Anthony about the lava lamp they gave him for his wedding present. "Let you Lava Lamp Shine before men that may may see your good works". All of them are Aunt's and Uncle's to us. All of them have been there for all the major events in my life. They were always so much fun with my dad. They really make us laugh out loud. My dad and the guys formed a singing group where they sang into drinking glasses and the "The Glass Holes" was born. We met at the Italian Village which has been around for longer than I've been on this earth. http://italianvillageslc.com/ It has been a family favorite for decades. It is not my favorite but my mom and Scott adore the veal, my dad would crave the salad dressing and have us buy and drive it to St. George by the gallons. I usually get either the tortellini or chicken Parmesan. Anthony loves the pizza and manicotti. It was wonderful to talk about my dad and all the funny situations they have all been in over the years. We were so loud and laughing so much I think the rest of the patrons cheered when we left the restaurant. Linda has truly been a life saver for our family time and time again. Salina and I were laughing so hard I think garlic bread came out my nose. Scott laughed so hard he was crying. It is great to laugh loud and long. I think my dad must have made a brief appearance, he really did do that when he died to Glen. It made my dad feel so close being with his friends and laughing about life. Friends make life worth living, I love my parents friends.

Nail clippings... from heaven and time for change

My dad used to clip his nail in public. I know it can be gross... to some disgusting. He would be in church, the chapel clipping away. He would do it in the store while talking to a neighbor. It was weird. It was very much my dad. So yesterday in church, my brother and husband were hiding out. They were both about to be put in the Bishopric and were avoiding questions from well meaning friends/ detectives. As they sat there as a super nice man from our ward whipped out his nail clippers and clipped away. First of all Scott and Anthony are rarely together in the same place at church , second they are never in the family history class, third I know my dad loves us from beyond the grave and wanted his favorite boys to know he loved them very much and was proud. We all could feel him yesterday. It gave me much needed strength.

Also there with body and spirit was our missionary "Elder" Soucy. He baptized Scott over 9 years ago. I happened to look back and see him in the hall. What a comfort. Scott is a convert to the church. It took great courage for him to be baptized and he lost most of his friends. He felt so strongly about the gospel and had so much faith he had to be baptized. That is a whole different story, like that he was baptized at midnight. We had so much support on Sunday. Marlene made 2 sheet cakes and a salad, everyone helped at the family dinner after (which Anthony and Scott could not attend as they were off serving). It was so nice to have all the kids there crawling on my and comforting me.

It is not often that you know without a doubt change is coming. Well I'm not sure anything but God could have prepared me for the change headed our way at the beginning of 2007.

My big fear was all my friends were not going to love me anymore. This was due to my keeping my promise to the Stake President to not tell anyone in my ward. The Stake explained that had Scott not been able to be Bishop then the next person they asked would have known they were number 2, the second choice. No one wants to feel like they were number 2 on a list. It also gave my friends and people at church the opportunity to know that we would keep confidences. The challenge was I had been speculating for over a year and being a detective with all of my friends. I love my husband and can see the Lord working through him and it has only been 48 hours since being ordained. He has a great love for all people and a huge desire to serve and make a difference. I sure do love the Bishop. His first night he had a baptism, second night a convalescent center visit, counseling the third night, and appointments the fourth. For the first time in our marriage he did not call me. Generally he calls me all the time, every 5 or 10 minutes to say Hi or Love you. I think that is one of the biggest changes... I am used to being with him or talking to him all the time. Also he used to share everything with me. Now he does not, for which I am grateful. I can see the burdens and worry he is caring and I don't think I could shoulder them like he does. So instead I make him meals, pray often and urgently, smile and hug him and try to do all I can to lighten his load which came on fast and heavy. I see how he is a blessing already to others and for that I am proud and humbled.

The difference between a Boy and a Girl

Here are two boys... Karson and Scott. Here are two girls... Marlene and Missy. Here is a park named Lagoon... and a new ride... Wicked. Now I'm all for fun, however are we not counseled to avoid the appearance of evil? Don't you think riding a ride called Wicked and enjoying it is just flirting with danger? I think that boys have to work extra hard to be good because of testosterone. I'm not knocking it. I love men, I married one. I realize he can provide for me if we are lost in the wilderness, can reload faster than I can buy new scrapbook supplies, and is very attractive. But... yes here is the but. But- I would like him to stick around with me in this life.

His side to it is what is the point of life if not to be lived and experienced? The last years of my dads life were fully lived thanks to Scott. We babied him told him no. Scott told him Why Not? Let's do it Ted! Perhaps it has something to do with the hunter/ gather thingy. You know he has some sort of predisposition to fight/ protect. BUT-- yes here it is again. But-- how does riding this scary ride help that? So I'm thinking this is one of the difference we have.

I can hear Scott and Karon now-- squealing with delight, thinking up excuses of why they need to ride it over and over. I'm glad they are so happy. I'm glad I put a call in to up the life insurance:)

Marlene and I have made the wise choice to sit this one out. Someone has to watch the children.