2012 Grace a talk I love about Grace

One of my favorite things to ponder is Grace. I feel it is so misunderstood by my faith yet absolutely we believe in Grace and without it we have nothing. I always wish I could explain it so here is an article my friend Camille found that i really enjoyed with some great analogies.
HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENTBy Bradley R. Wilcox (BS ’85)
The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can go home but that we can feel at home there.
Several years ago I received an invitation to speak at Women’s Conference. When I told my wife, she asked, “What have they asked you to speak on?” I was so excited that I got my words mixed up and said, “They want me to speak about changing strengths into weaknesses.”
She thought for a minute and said, “Well, they’ve got the right man for the job!”
She’s correct about that. I could give a whale of a talk on that subject, but I think today I had better go back to the original topic and speak about changing weaknesses into strengths and about how the grace of Jesus Christ is sufficient (see Ether 12:27, D&C 17:8, 2 Cor. 12:9)—sufficient to cover us, sufficient to transform us, and sufficient to help us as long as that transformation process takes.
Sufficient to Cover Us
A BYU student once came to me and asked if we could talk. I said, “Of course. How can I help you?”
She said, “I just don’t get grace.”
I responded, “What is it that you don’t understand?”
She said, “I know I need to ‘do my best and then Jesus does the rest,’ but I can’t even do my best.”
She then went on to tell me all the things she should be doing—“because she’s a Mormon”—that she wasn’t doing.
She continued, “I know that I have to do my part and then Jesus makes up the difference and fills the gap that stands between my part and perfection. But who fills the gap that stands between where I am now and my part?”
She then went on to tell me all the things that she shouldn’t be doing—“because she’s a Mormon”—but that she was doing anyway.
Finally I said, “Jesus doesn’t make up the difference. Jesus makes all the difference. Grace is not about filling gaps. It is about filling us.”
Seeing that she was still confused, I took a piece of paper and drew two dots—one at the top representing God and one at the bottom representing us. I then said, “Go ahead. Draw the line. How much is our part? How much is Christ’s part?”
She went right to the center of the page and began to draw a line. Then, considering what we had been speaking about, she went to the bottom of the page and drew a line just above the bottom dot.
I said, “Wrong.”
“I knew it was higher,” she said. “I should have just drawn it, because I knew it.”
I said, “No. The truth is, there is no line. Jesus filled the whole space. He paid our debt in full. He didn’t pay it all except for a few coins. He paid it all. It is finished.”
She said, “Right—like I don’t have to do anything?”
“Oh no,” I said, “you have plenty to do, but it is not to fill that gap. We will all be resurrected. We will all go back to God’s presence. What is left to be determined by our obedience is what kind of body we plan on being resurrected with and how comfortable we plan to be in God’s presence and how long we plan to stay there.”
Christ asks us to show faith in Him, repent, make and keep covenants, receive the Holy Ghost, and endure to the end. By complying, we are not paying the demands of justice—not even the smallest part. Instead, we are showing appreciation for what Jesus Christ did by using it to live a life like His. Justice requires immediate perfection or a punishment when we fall short. Because Jesus took that punishment, He can offer us the chance for ultimate perfection (see Matt. 5:48, 3 Ne. 12:48) and help us reach that goal. He can forgive what justice never could, and He can turn to us now with His own set of requirements (see 3 Ne. 28:35).
“So what’s the difference?” the girl asked. “Whether our efforts are required by justice or by Jesus, they are still required.”
“True,” I said, “but they are required for a different purpose. Fulfilling Christ’s requirements is like paying a mortgage instead of rent or like making deposits in a savings account instead of paying off debt. You still have to hand it over every month, but it is for a totally different reason.”
Sufficient to Transform Us
Christ’s arrangement with us is similar to a mom providing music lessons for her child. Mom pays the piano teacher. Because Mom pays the debt in full, she can turn to her child and ask for something. What is it? Practice! Does the child’s practice pay the piano teacher? No. Does the child’s practice repay Mom for paying the piano teacher? No. Practicing is how the child shows appreciation for Mom’s incredible gift. It is how he takes advantage of the amazing opportunity Mom is giving him to live his life at a higher level. Mom’s joy is found not in getting repaid but in seeing her gift used—seeing her child improve. And so she continues to call for practice, practice, practice.
If the child sees Mom’s requirement of practice as being too overbearing (“Gosh, Mom, why do I need to practice? None of the other kids have to practice! I’m just going to be a professional baseball player anyway!”), perhaps it is because he doesn’t yet see with Mom’s eyes. He doesn’t see how much better his life could be if he would choose to live on a higher plane.
In the same way, because Jesus has paid justice, He can now turn to us and say, “Follow me” (Matt. 4:19), “keep my commandments” (John 14:15). If we see His requirements as being way too much to ask (“Gosh! None of the other Christians have to pay tithing! None of the other Christians have to go on missions, serve in callings, and do temple work!”), maybe it is because we do not yet see through Christ’s eyes. We have not yet comprehended what He is trying to make of us.
Elder Bruce C. Hafen (BA ’66) has written, “The great Mediator asks for our repentance not because we must ‘repay’ him in exchange for his paying our debt to justice, but because repentance initiates a developmental process that, with the Savior’s help, leads us along the path to a saintly character” (The Broken Heart [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1989], p. 149; emphasis in original).
Elder Dallin H. Oaks (BS ’54) has said, referring to President Spencer W. Kimball’s explanation, “The repenting sinner must suffer for his sins, but this suffering has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change” (The Lord’s Way [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1991], p. 223; emphasis in original). Let’s put this in terms of our analogy: The child must practice the piano, but this practice has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change.
I have born-again Christian friends who say to me, “You Mormons are trying to earn your way to heaven.”
I say, “No, we are not earning heaven. We are learning heaven. We are preparing for it (see D&C 78:7). We are practicing for it.”
They ask me, “Have you been saved by grace?”
I answer, “Yes. Absolutely, totally, completely, thankfully—yes!”
Then I ask them a question that perhaps they have not fully considered: “Have you been changed by grace?” They are so excited about being saved that maybe they are not thinking enough about what comes next. They are so happy the debt is paid that they may not have considered why the debt existed in the first place. Latter-day Saints know not only what Jesus has saved us from but also what He has saved us for. As my friend Brett C. Sanders (BS ’00) puts it, “A life impacted by grace eventually begins to look like Christ’s life.” As my friend Omar Canals shared with me, “While many Christians view Christ’s suffering as only a huge favor He did for us, Latter-day Saints also recognize it as a huge investment He made in us.” As Moroni puts it, grace isn’t just about being saved. It is also about becoming like the Savior (see Moro. 7:48).
The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly (see John 10:10). The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed (see Rom. 8). Scriptures make it clear that no unclean thing can dwell with God (see Alma 40:26), but no unchanged thing will even want to.
I know a young man who just got out of prison—again. Each time two roads diverge in a yellow wood, he takes the wrong one—every time. When he was a teenager dealing with every bad habit a teenage boy can have, I said to his father, “We need to get him to EFY.” I have worked with Especially for Youth since 1985. I know the good it can do.
His dad said, “I can’t afford that.”
I said, “I can’t afford it either, but you put some in, and I’ll put some in, and then we’ll go to my mom, because she is a real softy.”
We finally got the kid to EFY, but how long do you think he lasted? Not even a day. By the end of the first day he called his mother and said, “Get me out of here!”
Heaven will not be heaven for those who have not chosen to be heavenly.
In the past I had a picture in my mind of what the final judgment would be like, and it went something like this: Jesus standing there with a clipboard and Brad standing on the other side of the room nervously looking at Jesus.
Jesus checks His clipboard and says, “Oh, shoot, Brad. You missed it by two points.”
Brad begs Jesus, “Please, check the essay question one more time! There have to be two points you can squeeze out of that essay.” That’s how I always saw it.
But the older I get, and the more I understand this wonderful plan of redemption, the more I realize that in the final judgment it will not be the unrepentant sinner begging Jesus, “Let me stay.” No, he will probably be saying, “Get me out of here!” Knowing Christ’s character, I believe that if anyone were to beg on that occasion, it would probably be Jesus begging the unrepentant sinner, “Please, choose to stay. Please, use my Atonement—not just to be cleansed but to be changed so that you want to stay.”
The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can go home but that—amazingly—we can feel at home there. If Christ did not require faith and repentance, then there would be no desire to change. Think of your friends and family members who have chosen to live without faith and without repentance. They don’t want to change. They are not trying to abandon sin and become comfortable with God. Rather, they are trying to abandon God and become comfortable with sin. If Jesus did not require covenants and bestow the gift of the Holy Ghost, then there would be no way to change. We would be left forever with only willpower, with no access to His power. If Jesus did not require endurance to the end, then there would be no internalization of those changes over time. They would forever be surface and cosmetic rather than sinking inside us and becoming part of us—part of who we are. To return to our metaphor, if practice were not required, then we would never become pianists.
Sufficient to Help Us
“But Brother Wilcox, don’t you realize how hard it is to practice? I’m just not very good at the piano. I hit a lot of wrong notes. It takes me forever to get it right.” Now wait. Isn’t that all part of the learning process? When a young pianist hits a wrong note, we don’t say he is not worthy to keep practicing. We don’t expect him to be flawless. We just expect him to keep trying. Perfection may be his ultimate goal, but for now we can be content with movement in the right direction. Why is this perspective so easy to see in the context of learning piano but so hard to see in the context of learning heaven?
Too many are giving up on the Church because they are tired of constantly feeling like they are falling short. They have tried in the past, but they always feel like they are just not good enough. They don’t understand grace.
There are young women who know they “are daughters of [a] Heavenly Father who loves [them], and [they] love Him.” Then they graduate from high school, and the values they memorized are put to the test. They slip up. They let things go too far, and suddenly they think it is all over. These young women don’t understand grace.
There are young men who grow up their whole lives singing, “I hope they call me on a mission,” and then they do actually grow a foot or two and flake out completely. They get their Eagles, graduate from high school, and go away to college. Then suddenly these young men find out how easy it is to not be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, or reverent. They mess up. They say, “I’ll never do it again,” and then they do it. They say, “I’ll never do it again,” and then they do it. They say, “This is stupid. I will never do it again,” and then they do it. The guilt is almost unbearable. They don’t dare talk to a bishop. Instead, they hide. They say, “I can’t do this Mormon thing. I’ve tried, and the expectations are just way too high.” So they quit. These young men don’t understand grace.
I know returned missionaries who come home and slip back into bad habits they thought were over. They break promises made before God, angels, and witnesses, and they are convinced there is no hope for them now. They say, “Well, I’ve blown it. There is no use in even trying anymore.” Seriously? These young people have spent entire missions teaching people about Jesus Christ and His Atonement, and now they think there is no hope for them? These returned missionaries don’t understand grace.
I know young married couples who find out after the sealing ceremony is over that marriage requires adjustments. The pressures of life mount, and stress starts taking its toll financially, spiritually, and even sexually. Mistakes are made. Walls go up. And pretty soon these husbands and wives are talking with divorce lawyers rather than talking with each other. These couples don’t understand grace.
In all of these cases there should never be just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness (see 2 Cor. 12:9). When we understand grace, we can, as it says in the Doctrine and Covenants, “continue in patience until [we] are perfected” (D&C 67:13).
One young man wrote me the following e-mail: “I know God has all power, and I know He will help me if I’m worthy, but I’m just never worthy enough to ask for His help. I want Christ’s grace, but I always find myself stuck in the same self-defeating and impossible position: no work, no grace.”
I wrote him back and testified with all my heart that Christ is not waiting at the finish line once we have done “all we can do” (2 Ne. 25:23). He is with us every step of the way.
Elder Bruce C. Hafen has written, “The Savior’s gift of grace to us is not necessarily limited in time to ‘after’ all we can do. We may receive his grace before, during, and after the time when we expend our own efforts” (The Broken Heart [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1989], p. 155). So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher’s touch (see Heb. 12:2).
The first company of Saints entered the Salt Lake Valley on July 24, 1847. Their journey was difficult and challenging; still, they sang:
Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear; But with joy wend your way. Though hard to you this journey may appear, Grace shall be as your day. [“Come, Come, Ye Saints,” Hymns, rev. ed. (Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2002), no. 30]
“Grace shall be as your day”—what an interesting phrase. We have all sung it hundreds of times, but have we stopped to consider what it means? “Grace shall be as your day”: grace shall be like a day. As dark as night may become, we can always count on the sun coming up. As dark as our trials, sins, and mistakes may appear, we can always have confidence in the grace of Jesus Christ. Do we earn a sunrise? No. Do we have to be worthy of a chance to begin again? No. We just have to accept these blessings and take advantage of them. As sure as each brand-new day, grace—the enabling power of Jesus Christ—is constant. Faithful pioneers knew they were not alone. The task ahead of them was never as great as the power behind them.
Amazing Grace
The grace of Christ is sufficient—sufficient to cover our debt, sufficient to transform us, and sufficient to help us as long as that transformation process takes. The Book of Mormon teaches us to rely solely on “the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah” (2 Ne. 2:8). As we do, we do not discover—as some Christians believe—that Christ requires nothing of us. Rather, we discover the reason He requires so much and the strength to do all He asks (see Philip. 4:13). Grace is not the absence of God’s high expectations. Grace is the presence of God’s power (see Luke 1:37).
Elder Neal A. Maxwell once said the following:
Now may I speak . . . to those buffeted by false insecurity, who, though laboring devotedly in the Kingdom, have recurring feelings of falling forever short. . . .
. . . This feeling of inadequacy is . . . normal. There is no way the Church can honestly describe where we must yet go and what we must yet do without creating a sense of immense distance. . . .
. . . This is a gospel of grand expectations, but God’s grace is sufficient for each of us. [“Notwithstanding My Weakness,” Ensign, November 1976, pp. 12, 14]
With Elder Maxwell, I testify that God’s grace is sufficient. Jesus’ grace is sufficient. It is enough. It is all we need. Oh, young people, don’t quit. Keep trying. Don’t look for escapes and excuses. Look for the Lord and His perfect strength. Don’t search for someone to blame. Search for someone to help you. Seek Christ, and as you do, I promise you will feel the enabling power we call His amazing grace. I leave this testimony and all of my love—for I do love you. As God is my witness, I love the youth of this church. I believe in you. I’m pulling for you. And I’m not the only one. Parents are pulling for you, leaders are pulling for you, and prophets are pulling for you. And Jesus is pulling with you. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Accepting 30 feeling 90

I'm feel old. This year I have felt every year of my life. Working outside int he heat of the summer with little to no days off and the stress of going from working a few hours a month to 10 plus each day on top of all the health issues I had aged me. There were days I did not recognize my face. I have always fought the aging thing. But This year I gave in and admit I am in my 30s. I don't think others in 30's or 50s or 70s are old but I just felt old. Here are some photos of my face from this year. They are after I had quit full time and had about one month break. In 2010 I'm focusing on health for Scott and mines sake and I'll bet I'll be maybe even 29 again by Nov.

The moral of the story...

This photo reminds me of how these plants multiply which made me think of all the blessings we have had multiplying in our lives. Scott used to head up the merchant service department for Bank One Utah. He became friends with Angela who at the time worked for US Bank. They would compare notes and refer business. When Angela heard Scott had been laid off she got Scott an interview with the VP for Wells Fargo where she is now the head hancho for Utah. Her boss is a great man who lives in Colorado. Scott had a phone interview and last week went to an in person interview in St. George where we would have been living. They loved Scott! Today they created a job for him to bring him aboard. It will be classified as a temp position but at the very latest Jan 2010 they will bring him on as permanent:) He will be working out of Salt Lake with several of the branches but we do not know yet which ones. They asked him when he would like to start and he decided either July 15 or 30th. That way he can get a backpacking trip in with his brother and nephews and help his wife get out form under some of the boxes that she is trapped under.

I know I am prejudice but I just ADORE this amazing man. He spoils all of us and is really the person I choose to be with 24/7 over anyone else. I love ow I feel about myself when I am with him and how safe I am around him. We are very different but the overlap areas are awesome and we have so much fun together. Plus he is my dreamboat hunk. His hair has gotten more blond and his skin tan from all the outside work he has been doing. It is really gross how much stuff we have collected over the last 15 years. EBay here we come. So with my cool new job and not having to pay rent and getting a salary we will be able to save all his income which is more than he was making at his last job. Which means we could pay cash for the new house.

The moral of this story is two fold. First of all, I need to trust God, all the time no matter what. He has never let me down and even when I think all is lost He always saves the better part for me. It does not happen the way I think it should or plan on it happening but it is always better. He has our best interests at heart. I have got to trust him better and not be so controlling. Pres. Hinckley always said that things always work out-- he is right. It is not a free from pain or toil road but it also is a path that you never have to be alone on.

The second moral is life on earth in business is all about WHO You KNOW. It is not about degrees or experience-- not that they are a bad thing. But both of the jobs we have are because of who we knew. I guess it also helps to have interviewing skills and to not burn bridges, my dad was always trying to teach me to not burn bridges. Wouldn't it be cool if I could learn these morals before I die and head on to the next chapter? We can only hope because what good are low hopes anyways:) Here is to Scott landing a job and me learning something sometime soon.

PTA lunch

Mom's are amazing. Last year when I said yes to PTA I had a far different life than I do now. I had a hubby with me 24/7. I had a car and phone all the time. Then life happened and it made PTA take a back burner as I could not get up to the school as easy. I started to feel like I was not much of a help. I sure did love getting to know more of the awesome people who make our little school tick. I just think the world of the board and especially the ones willing to stand up and do the hard things. We had a lunch and they gave us nice gifts I got to sit by cute Sue who also does hard things as a church leader. I also talked with Kari and got to know her better. Next year's President is darling and she will do awesome. Her little boy finally after a year will smile at me. I have one newsletter left and a day of making cotton candy for the carnival. I had a few people tell me it was weird to be a part of PTA with no kids there but I think it was neat:) I got to really see all the time my own mom put into serving me as a child. I loved having her at the school, I loved how everyone knew her. I love that my dad made it possible for her to be home with us. I guess some lesson are understood best with adult eyes- just think if I ever grow up all I can learn:)

Lots to Learn

Over the last year or so a good number of the teenage girls I work with at church have grown out their tresses and then lopped them off for Locks of Love. Locks of Love is a company that makes hair for children who due to medical conditions can no longer grow hair on their own. From this company they are able to make real hair wigs for them. My friend Mindie was recently telling me a little more about it. They like to have 10 inch section of hair, clean and dry, braided or in a pony tail. You can not send it is if it has been bleached but it can have been colored. I have been growing mine out to donate. It has been a challenge because I have not had long long hair for a long time and it was driving Scott and I crazy. Mindie measured me on Wed. and I was a 7 inches if I had a little length in my front and chopped the back short. Mindie explained that they also accept smaller lengths which they use to make hair pieces and wigs to sell to raise money to off set the cost of the charity. I sat and weighed the options. I could go crazy for another 3 to 6 months headed toward Lady Godiva land or I could be brave and chop chop right then and there.
While Scott had his cut I sat and vacillated. The last time I had short hair was in 1997. I was thin then and everyone loved the cut. People would say "OH- that is your cut- super cute. After the hysterectomy and thyroid burn out the weight piled on and I think I grew my hair out kind of hiding, which did not work as when you gain around 30+ pounds per month people notice. People were in shock and would say really rude remarks unintentionally. "Missy, you are HUGE, what happened?" Often I would allow it to hurt my feelings and just cry. I was already heart broken at not having a child, and with immediate menopause it was an explosive emotional roller coaster. I finally would reply back with things like "Oh wow- you are right- I am really fat! I was thinking the dryer had shrunk everything but instead it is because I am a fatty, thanks for letting me know." The people would get uncomfortable and leave me alone with my "new" revelation. The weight finally stopped after almost 100 pounds. The weird thing is I would not trade it for anything. First- it was the heartbreak of the total hysterectomy that humbled me to allow God in my life. After that I was able to believe in Jesus as the Christ. Then my whole life changed forever and since I have been a happy person. Second- I have learned that appearances can be deceiving and are not the most important thing in the world. I used to be very self conscious and worried about how I looked. It would stop me from trying new things and generally take up lots of precious time as I fretted about before mirrors. Third- I didn't look at people from the outside as much. I started to listen to who they really were. I realized that we are all children of God with spirits and we each have a different vehicle to drive while here. Some are dump trucks, some are buses, and some are cooper minis, and that is OK. The world can be a hard place where judgments are harsh, nut I learned that it is a good ideas to cut some slack to people because you really never know what is in their hearts or the whys that propel them to make the choices they do. I'm glad Someone Else is the judge not me. Forth- I learned to not be tied to outward praises or other people opinions. I would place way to much emphasis on others comments and complements. Why not listen to the only one that matters God who loves each and everyone of us. We all have enormous worth in the eyes of God, and it can't be taken from us like sagging boobs and wrinkled faces can. Fifth- That the Star Belly Sneetches story is genius and why would we all want to look alike? Variety is the spice of life and if you quit trying to be someone else you can really shine as you. Sixth- To not flatter myself in to thinking the world revolved around me or that people were thinking constantly about me. As I listen to the teenagers in my life, I hear them worry about what so and so is thinking. However I have learned that so and so is caught up in worrying about themselves and not spending anytime thinking about little old me. Here is a test to prove my theory on this one. What was your neighbor wearing last Monday? What were you wearing? 9 times out of 10 no one can answer the first ? and less than 30 % can answer the second ?.
As I waited for my turn in the salon seat I decided to take the plunge now and chop it off. Many of the cute ladies at the salon encouraged me and Scott thinks it is adorable but most important I love it. I'm so glad I did it. It felt great to fill out the paper work for Locks of Love and think that some little person out there will benefit from the sale of my locks so they can have a little ground cover. If you have ever thought of donating hair I highly recommend it. The only advice I have is bring a camera. Scott only had his camera phone so the photos of that day are not the best but it was a spur of the moment cut. It is very short and stacked in theback which takes getting used to but it sure is a fun cut. Here to lots more love.

Individual Worth

Last night I went to help my friend who's father in law had passed away and babysat overnight. I could not sleep but she has this totally cool record live TV thingy. Remember I don't get much TV since Scott is anti. So we don't have any bells or whistles with our TV. Natalie had recorded the

Osmond's on Oprah and on Larry King. I was very

impressed with how much this family loves each other. They really seem to enjoy and appreciate everyone. I was Marie for 3 years as a child for Halloween. I even cut off my long blond locks while my mom slept because Marie got a hair cut. It was Maire and Dorthy Hamill. I was more into Marie than I was into Donny. Scott met one of Merrill Osmond's sons named Justin who does awesome missions around the world to help children afford hearing aids. He also suffered a hearing loss. http://justinosmond.com/ Read more about his amazing life and spirit http://justinosmond.com/about_justin.htm. The thing I really like about the Osmond's is how down to earth they are. Sure Maire is way over the top and they are cheesy but they just seem so nice. I read where Robert Redford said all Mormons are trained from birth to be plastic, that all Mormons serve missions, where they are trained to deflect. I think that it is funny that Redford has to come up with some sort of excuse for the fact that some Mormons are great public speakers and that we don't have anything to hide. I think that in the world today people are not quite sure what to make of us Latter Day Saints. We are weird and very different from the world. We believe in being modest and that love can last forever. That is far off from the enticements in ads saying to do whatever makes you feel good in the moment, despite who may get hurt. I know that we are far from perfect- that is after all why have a Savior. I guess right now people will make judgments about who I am based on Mitt and the Osmund's, I'm OK with that. After all the world makes judgement's on who I am as an American off of Brittney Spears and Bush. I hope that I can be better at not grouping people but really recognizing that we each have individual worth, that each is special in the eyes of God no matter who are what they are. We are all miracles as I was reminded last night for 2 reasons. 1. I watched the show about the human body from the inside WOW! 2. Emily's little one might have died from a bad fall. Really every minute is a gift. I'm glad for the example of love the Osmond's have for each other, I know I could be far better at being a family member to my family.

Visiting

Today was a really neat day. I got to be with Scott all day and we made visits to friends and church family that are in hospitals all over the valley we live in. It always feels really good to take the time to listen to someone. They were all in different degrees of illness. One that was very sad was at a Alzheimer's center. It made me remember my grandfathers death and suffering with that illness. The cute husband spends all day long there with his wife of over 60 years, he goes home at night only to sleep. I like that they had 2 dogs and a cat that live at the center. As I talked with another very sick woman who is facing death I thought about her suffering and wondered why. Then I thought about the fact that if it weren't for aging and suffering-- would we ever be able to really let go of this life. My belief is our spirit lives on past this life and did not start in this life. One of the people I talked with today said they didn't believe there was ever anything before this life nor would there be anything after. I thought that sounded really yucky. To each his own. For me I love to know I will live again, that I have the opportunity to be with the awesome people I love and miss that have died, to know that my spirit will go on and continue to learn and grow. I don't believe that death means I will sit on some cloud and strum a harp. I think I will still be engaged in learning and loving and growing. As I held the hands today of the ones who are dying I somehow felt at peace thinking of how glorious it will be for them to be in total joy and light. They are children of God, who loves them with out measure. It was great to see so many blessings all around and so many loving people serving those in need. I guess it helped me remember that getting old may have many whys. For learning and experience, perhaps also to help in leaving this phase of life.

Change

"All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward." -E. Glasgow

I was reading today that when asked "where you feel the most at home? the most comfortable?" in general people would respond with.. my parents home or grandma's home. The author explained why... it didn't change much. I thought about one of the reasons I love to be at my uncles is he has so many things from my grandma's home in his home. It was clean and classy but things did not change. How often do we in general crave the latest and greatest? Why? I think because it is the "latest and greatest" and the whole keeping up with the "Jones". Who are the "Jones" anyway? Do we sometimes make changes for the sake of making changes? The quote reminds me of Ms. J. my beloved teacher from JR High. She always said move forward not straight. I just loved her. I have called her up and told her of the difference she has made in my life. SO I was thinking about how sometimes we want change because we are bored or because we have out grown something. I'm glad Scott has not out grown me:) He is very attractive and I love to just watch him. I'm glad he is steady and does not change. I think God is also steady. So why am I so often looking to change things? Then I thought about how the more things change the more they stay the same. This year could be one word for me and it is change so perhaps that is why I am craving the same old comfort of grandma's house. A house I have not been in for almost 30 years. The photo makes me giggle, it was taken in her house. You see her in the right corner, me trying to turn baby Anth's head to face the camera, and was I cute or what? That is weird that she has been dead that long. I ran into one of her friends at the Temple awhile back. He told me again how funny she was, how creative she was, how original she was. he thinks we would be really great buddies as adults. I adored her as a child so I can only imagine how nice to be with her as an adult. And we could talk about change.

Time Travel Key

I just love this ah-ha. The key to time travel is in the present and future. I'm going to use one of the comments to show you how it works. I'll show you step by step. First identify the do over--

1. run a marathon 2. write a book 3. great singing voice 4. draw and paint 5. piano virtuoso 6. green thumb 7. morning person 8. complete family history (see the entry--)

Love this blog entry - got me thinking a bit. One of my dreams is to run a marathon. Another is to write a book (paper-crafting based). I also wish that I had a beautiful singing voice, could draw and paint, and that I could play the piano (like so many others I didn't stick to it when I was younger!)I wish that I had a green thumb and actually enjoyed yard work and gardening. I dream of one day becoming a morning person (may sound silly, but I am so much more productive when I am up early, it just doesn't come at all naturally to me!). And finally, one of my biggest dreams is to have a complete history (scrapbooks) of my family, myself and my ancestors.

OK now this may come as a big shock to you but-- you are still alive. Yep you are alive and any day above ground is a good one to still live your dreams. Here is what I have figured out, using the above example. If you start to make changes today you can still live your dreams.

1. marathon- there are many types of marathons, even Disney World has a fabulous one Scott and I have attended. So you can start today and being training and pick one and do it. They even have half marathons.

2. write a (paper craft) book- I hope you have started this because we are all waiting to buy a copy. For now we will enjoy your blog.

3. beautiful singing voice- they make a CD of voice lessons and if you have a desire and are willing to work at it, you can learn to have a nice voice. My cousin Kelly has developed this talent- amazing results. Plus God likes us to make a joyful noise in praise so everyone sounds good singing hymns (at the angels and God at least).

I won't go through each one (however- the family history complete one will not work because if it were to be 100% complete you would have to have all your family dead so no more history was happening. How about a compromise on that one of up to date?) because you are starting to get the idea. Even if it is a regret you have for how you treated someone, and they are dead, then how does it work? Well first of all you have to forgive yourself. If you could take it back you would, you know better now, you did the best you could then. If they are not alive to say I'm sorry to in person you can make amends with God and do something wonderful in the memory of that person. Say they loved gardens-- go take a child to visit a beautiful one, or donate time or money to a local charity garden. Jesus Christ has paid the price for all of us to be forgiven is we will trust in him. He doesn't even require you to be perfect. He just requires you have the desire to be perfect and trust that you have worth. It is also healing to forgive others- (that part is not an option.)

SO if you are still struggling thinking it is to late for you. WAKE UP and live. Do some research on the web. Many people achieved dreams as old people. To eat an elephant you must do it a bite at a time. We really under estimate the power of daily repeated actions and how the little choices add up. Think about it with fitness... if we put all the times we have be exercising together in consistent action we would all be really healthy. Really give some heart time to what you want to be as a person, qualities or talents and start practicing them today.

Because the best is yet to be!

Sapphire water, Red Cliffs and burned skin

Today I am feeling a little sorry for myself. It is nice every so often to have a little pity party. In fact I sometimes ask Scott to say over and over to me... "Poor Missy" because it ends up making me laugh because I have so many blessings and really no complaints. I am in a great deal of pain. I got sever burns on my face, neck, arms and feet at Lake Powell. I am overly cautious in the sun. I always take tons of precaution. So what went wrong? Well I had to stay cool, it was over 100 degrees with no wind. I thought OK I will stay wet on top of the house boat under cover of complete shade. I did not think about the reflection of the harmful rays bouncing off the lake water or the top of the painted white house boat. Guess what? You can get a sever burn from a reflection. The kids helped me all day by dumping buckets of water on top of me or hosing me with squirt guns. It wasn't until late in the day when I noticed a bad heat rash all over my body and I started to feel ill. Up to that point it had been a little slice of heaven. I think being in water is the best thing in the entire world. Not pool water with chemicals nor ocean water with sticky salt but clean lake water. I thrill at the thought of jumping into the deep blue water and looking into the depths of 100s of feet. I love the towering cliffs above my head and floating with the gentle waves. My dad used to call me his little fish, his little mermaid. It was always next to impossible to get me out of the water. I would always swim in the cover of shade from the boat or the cliffs with long sleeves, sunglasses, and sun screen. The stars are absolutely amazing out there. We slept on top of the boat with the sky as our cover. It is out of this world bliss. I grew up going to Lake Powell. I was always careful to stay cool and stay out of the sun. This is my first burn from the Lake I love so much. When the doctor saw me he yelled at me... "what were you thinking going to Lake Powell?" Aunt Sue yelled at me "I told you, you had no business going to that Lake, I hope you have learned your lesson." What lesson is that? That I am a freak? That I am different? That I can't do normal things? That I can't enjoy life when sun or heat in involved? That I have Lupus. I guess I knew these thing already. But Scott makes me feel like living. Like trying new things. Like forgetting my body is sick and can't do normal things. I felt awful for the family who had to drive me 2 hours back to the marina ($526.00 of extra gas) so I could get to a doctor. The stress of all of it left Scott with a bad case of shingles. I also burned my eyes. You see the first time I jumped into the water I forgot I had my sunglasses on. They sank into the icy blue. So now we wait and see what damage I have done. My kidneys are iffy, my skin is damaged very bad. So now I wait, while I toss and turn with the imagined waves that I had loved over the last 4 days. I wonder what they are all up to at this moment while I sit in bed far away from the lake I love. Plus I miss Evan my swim buddy. He was the only one brave enough to jump in with me. The water was cold.

Treasure

This is the time of year when we reflect on the greatest treasure in the history of history. The Atonement and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. When I was young we used to spend some Easters in Arizona. They do this fabulous Easter pageant at the Mesa Temple grounds. It is scenes from the life of Jesus. I loved this time of year. I remember holding my nephews on my lap as they watched the pageant with wide eyes. They started to know when the good parts were coming and would shout..."Aunt Messy, Jesus is coming... watch". I loved holding Teddy because he had curly blond hair, which I could play with because he would be distracted watching. One year when we were riding home with Michelle's family the youngest son said... "Jesus is the best". We all smiled until several moments later he said... "Grandpa, your the best", which is when we started to laugh. Michelle said... "Yep dad, you and Jesus." I wish I had wrote down all the funny things they have said over the years.
It was wonderful to be with my family, in sunny AZ. Usually the orange blossoms were in full swing and sometimes it would rain and the little ground areas that were sunk down would fill with water making lots of little ponds. The ground was so dry that it could not take it in. It reminds me of me. Am I allowing myself to become so dry that the gospel has a hard time penetrating? It takes daily effort. It is not big things that can distract and pull me away. Little bad feelings unresolved, not being diligent in my media choices, watching the news, becoming overwhelmed and getting discouraged. All of this tears away at the protections of the spirit. We are commanded to be happy to have joy and be cheerful. To look on the bright side. If I can keep my heart soft then I can always take in "water" and never thirst. If I make mistakes which is bound to happen-- I can repent and start all over. Spring is a wonderful time of year. Fall is my first favorite season and then Spring. I love Utah and the 4 seasons. I just realized my 2 favorite seasons also are when General Conference is held each year... Spring and Fall. It is beautiful to watch the earth change and I'll bet equally beautiful to see people transform as they walk with Christ becoming brand new in the Lord.
I took these photos at the Temple when I went the other day. Easter is a time of rebirth and joy at the wonder of Christ overcoming death and the world. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time for a day and relive a day when my dad was alive. I heard a quote that really touched me. I can't find the exact words or who it was that said it but it went like this... Let me enjoy the bread before there is none, Love the people before they are gone and live my life before it is through. So instead of wishing I could time travel who can I appreciate today, before they are gone? It sounds morbid but it is really a joyful way to express thanksgiving for blessings. I am so glad to believe in Jesus as the Christ, to know that I can see my loved ones again and that each week I can renew my covenants and repent and start new.

Successful Marriages

I love to collect happy marriage stories and examples. If you look for them they are easy to find. One of them is Trudy and Al. They were sweethearts from the get go. Trudy is a feisty loving New York lady. She teaches me things like "When you gotta go-- go. Nevah hold it." and "it doesn't matter what you think it matters how they feel." Trudy married Uncle Al Charrier. Trudy was a foster child. Trudy loved life and Al. I found out that Trudy is dying. I hate cancer. I know that we will see each other again but I miss them in this life, now. I ache for Al. He sounds really lost and lonely. She didn't know him today at hospice. It all seemed to happen really fast. They don't even know what kind of cancer it is. I loved listening to her. I loved teasing her and listening to stories about my dad, Aunt Sue, my Grandparents and how much she loved Al. I'm glad to have had her in my heart and life growing up. I'm glad that she and Al had a successful marriage. The down side is it makes separation almost unbearable. I hope Al will be OK, he is amazing. He is the most fit man of his age I know. He loves to walk and we love to talk to Uncle Al. I think he is the most handsome of the Charriers, my dad always thought so too. The are only one month apart and lived together for many years. My dad adored Al. It is fun to be a Scharrier because there is so much love. I cried listening to Aunt Sue console Al by phone "it will be OK darling." They are all so sweet on each other-- it is wonderful to belong. Al would love for Anthony to change the Scharrier back to the real spelling of Charrier. My dad wanted to do it but he was FRUGAL, and never spent the money. Anthony wonders if he should change his name before he has kids. I hope he has kids so the Scharrier name lives on. I'm sick about Trudy... she will really be missed in out family and our hearts.

Lessons... childrens beliefs

It seems like I have been given the opportunity to speak or teach once or twice a week for the last few months. Either for YW or in Sacrament or substitute teaching. I really love it. One of the reasons I think it is a wonderful opportunity is that while preparing the teacher learns so much. For instance, while filling in at church to teach Sunday School to the 3 and 4 year olds I was amazed at the capacity they have to feel and understand Gods love for them. Part of the lesson they each came up and looked in a mirror and I said "this is Anna, Heavenly Father and Jesus love Anna". They would get these huge grins and feel so happy. Most of them looked up at me after and said "I know". They have a faith and trust in Jesus as their friend. They have short attention spans, yet the lesson materials were I thought deep in nature. It taught them about their spirits, how they used to live with God and know they are on the earth in families to learn and grow and love and when they die it is only their body that dies. Their spirits will live on and they will still be who they are but they have the opportunity to be in the presence of God their father again. And then after a time they will be reunited with their bodies and live forever, because of Jesus atonement and Resurrection. This is big stuff. Most of the poeple in the world wonder why they are here and where they are going. These little ones know this stuff, believe this. They are close to the spirit and have not been tainted by the world or hardships. One of the cute little boys said " I know this because my baby sister is with Jesus again but we will all be together one day, with Jesus our brother." He is 4 years old. It made me think of my nephew Andrew. When he was little he went to this preschool at a church and it was called Little Miracles. It was darling how he would tell me about God and he would say the cutest sweetest prayers. His little brother would listen to him and nod in approval. If we could all have the faith of a child. Salina helped me teach. She is amazing with kids and she has a sweet testimony of God and his love. I'm so lucky to have her in my life. Plus Scott's family are such good people and I have their examples. It is fun to learn especially by teaching.

Magnify

The last month has been the longest in my entire life. We spent the whole month dodging questions or out right lying. Mark Twain said the best part to telling the truth was you didn't have to remember anything. He was a very smart man. I wonder how he learned so much. I'm guessing lots of mistakes unless he was fortunate enough to learn from others mistakes. In which case fortune had nothing what so ever to do with it... it was genius. My sweetheart was called as Bishop of our church congregation. In our church the ministers are lay people. No money or fame or glory. Just good people who are very human trying their best to serve our Savior by serving each other.
“Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;
“For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.” (D&C 58:26–28.)
The problem was I had been guessing with my friends who the nest Bishop would be. It was all in fun or so I thought. It was hard to learn the nest one was Scott. Many sleepless nights followed but it was really hard to just not say anything when everyone was talking about it and I had not kept my big mouth shut. So I would play along and say yeah I wonder who it is? Oh no it isn't Scott we travel far to much. My friends were in shock the day because I had not broken my promise to not tell anyone in our ward except my brother and his wife. I think it is better to not speculate- trust me and learn from my huge mistakes:) Scott on the other hand is a noble man who magnifys his callings and keeps me in line mostly. I'm Thankful for repentance:)