2012 Grace a talk I love about Grace

One of my favorite things to ponder is Grace. I feel it is so misunderstood by my faith yet absolutely we believe in Grace and without it we have nothing. I always wish I could explain it so here is an article my friend Camille found that i really enjoyed with some great analogies.
HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENTBy Bradley R. Wilcox (BS ’85)
The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can go home but that we can feel at home there.
Several years ago I received an invitation to speak at Women’s Conference. When I told my wife, she asked, “What have they asked you to speak on?” I was so excited that I got my words mixed up and said, “They want me to speak about changing strengths into weaknesses.”
She thought for a minute and said, “Well, they’ve got the right man for the job!”
She’s correct about that. I could give a whale of a talk on that subject, but I think today I had better go back to the original topic and speak about changing weaknesses into strengths and about how the grace of Jesus Christ is sufficient (see Ether 12:27, D&C 17:8, 2 Cor. 12:9)—sufficient to cover us, sufficient to transform us, and sufficient to help us as long as that transformation process takes.
Sufficient to Cover Us
A BYU student once came to me and asked if we could talk. I said, “Of course. How can I help you?”
She said, “I just don’t get grace.”
I responded, “What is it that you don’t understand?”
She said, “I know I need to ‘do my best and then Jesus does the rest,’ but I can’t even do my best.”
She then went on to tell me all the things she should be doing—“because she’s a Mormon”—that she wasn’t doing.
She continued, “I know that I have to do my part and then Jesus makes up the difference and fills the gap that stands between my part and perfection. But who fills the gap that stands between where I am now and my part?”
She then went on to tell me all the things that she shouldn’t be doing—“because she’s a Mormon”—but that she was doing anyway.
Finally I said, “Jesus doesn’t make up the difference. Jesus makes all the difference. Grace is not about filling gaps. It is about filling us.”
Seeing that she was still confused, I took a piece of paper and drew two dots—one at the top representing God and one at the bottom representing us. I then said, “Go ahead. Draw the line. How much is our part? How much is Christ’s part?”
She went right to the center of the page and began to draw a line. Then, considering what we had been speaking about, she went to the bottom of the page and drew a line just above the bottom dot.
I said, “Wrong.”
“I knew it was higher,” she said. “I should have just drawn it, because I knew it.”
I said, “No. The truth is, there is no line. Jesus filled the whole space. He paid our debt in full. He didn’t pay it all except for a few coins. He paid it all. It is finished.”
She said, “Right—like I don’t have to do anything?”
“Oh no,” I said, “you have plenty to do, but it is not to fill that gap. We will all be resurrected. We will all go back to God’s presence. What is left to be determined by our obedience is what kind of body we plan on being resurrected with and how comfortable we plan to be in God’s presence and how long we plan to stay there.”
Christ asks us to show faith in Him, repent, make and keep covenants, receive the Holy Ghost, and endure to the end. By complying, we are not paying the demands of justice—not even the smallest part. Instead, we are showing appreciation for what Jesus Christ did by using it to live a life like His. Justice requires immediate perfection or a punishment when we fall short. Because Jesus took that punishment, He can offer us the chance for ultimate perfection (see Matt. 5:48, 3 Ne. 12:48) and help us reach that goal. He can forgive what justice never could, and He can turn to us now with His own set of requirements (see 3 Ne. 28:35).
“So what’s the difference?” the girl asked. “Whether our efforts are required by justice or by Jesus, they are still required.”
“True,” I said, “but they are required for a different purpose. Fulfilling Christ’s requirements is like paying a mortgage instead of rent or like making deposits in a savings account instead of paying off debt. You still have to hand it over every month, but it is for a totally different reason.”
Sufficient to Transform Us
Christ’s arrangement with us is similar to a mom providing music lessons for her child. Mom pays the piano teacher. Because Mom pays the debt in full, she can turn to her child and ask for something. What is it? Practice! Does the child’s practice pay the piano teacher? No. Does the child’s practice repay Mom for paying the piano teacher? No. Practicing is how the child shows appreciation for Mom’s incredible gift. It is how he takes advantage of the amazing opportunity Mom is giving him to live his life at a higher level. Mom’s joy is found not in getting repaid but in seeing her gift used—seeing her child improve. And so she continues to call for practice, practice, practice.
If the child sees Mom’s requirement of practice as being too overbearing (“Gosh, Mom, why do I need to practice? None of the other kids have to practice! I’m just going to be a professional baseball player anyway!”), perhaps it is because he doesn’t yet see with Mom’s eyes. He doesn’t see how much better his life could be if he would choose to live on a higher plane.
In the same way, because Jesus has paid justice, He can now turn to us and say, “Follow me” (Matt. 4:19), “keep my commandments” (John 14:15). If we see His requirements as being way too much to ask (“Gosh! None of the other Christians have to pay tithing! None of the other Christians have to go on missions, serve in callings, and do temple work!”), maybe it is because we do not yet see through Christ’s eyes. We have not yet comprehended what He is trying to make of us.
Elder Bruce C. Hafen (BA ’66) has written, “The great Mediator asks for our repentance not because we must ‘repay’ him in exchange for his paying our debt to justice, but because repentance initiates a developmental process that, with the Savior’s help, leads us along the path to a saintly character” (The Broken Heart [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1989], p. 149; emphasis in original).
Elder Dallin H. Oaks (BS ’54) has said, referring to President Spencer W. Kimball’s explanation, “The repenting sinner must suffer for his sins, but this suffering has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change” (The Lord’s Way [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1991], p. 223; emphasis in original). Let’s put this in terms of our analogy: The child must practice the piano, but this practice has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change.
I have born-again Christian friends who say to me, “You Mormons are trying to earn your way to heaven.”
I say, “No, we are not earning heaven. We are learning heaven. We are preparing for it (see D&C 78:7). We are practicing for it.”
They ask me, “Have you been saved by grace?”
I answer, “Yes. Absolutely, totally, completely, thankfully—yes!”
Then I ask them a question that perhaps they have not fully considered: “Have you been changed by grace?” They are so excited about being saved that maybe they are not thinking enough about what comes next. They are so happy the debt is paid that they may not have considered why the debt existed in the first place. Latter-day Saints know not only what Jesus has saved us from but also what He has saved us for. As my friend Brett C. Sanders (BS ’00) puts it, “A life impacted by grace eventually begins to look like Christ’s life.” As my friend Omar Canals shared with me, “While many Christians view Christ’s suffering as only a huge favor He did for us, Latter-day Saints also recognize it as a huge investment He made in us.” As Moroni puts it, grace isn’t just about being saved. It is also about becoming like the Savior (see Moro. 7:48).
The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly (see John 10:10). The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed (see Rom. 8). Scriptures make it clear that no unclean thing can dwell with God (see Alma 40:26), but no unchanged thing will even want to.
I know a young man who just got out of prison—again. Each time two roads diverge in a yellow wood, he takes the wrong one—every time. When he was a teenager dealing with every bad habit a teenage boy can have, I said to his father, “We need to get him to EFY.” I have worked with Especially for Youth since 1985. I know the good it can do.
His dad said, “I can’t afford that.”
I said, “I can’t afford it either, but you put some in, and I’ll put some in, and then we’ll go to my mom, because she is a real softy.”
We finally got the kid to EFY, but how long do you think he lasted? Not even a day. By the end of the first day he called his mother and said, “Get me out of here!”
Heaven will not be heaven for those who have not chosen to be heavenly.
In the past I had a picture in my mind of what the final judgment would be like, and it went something like this: Jesus standing there with a clipboard and Brad standing on the other side of the room nervously looking at Jesus.
Jesus checks His clipboard and says, “Oh, shoot, Brad. You missed it by two points.”
Brad begs Jesus, “Please, check the essay question one more time! There have to be two points you can squeeze out of that essay.” That’s how I always saw it.
But the older I get, and the more I understand this wonderful plan of redemption, the more I realize that in the final judgment it will not be the unrepentant sinner begging Jesus, “Let me stay.” No, he will probably be saying, “Get me out of here!” Knowing Christ’s character, I believe that if anyone were to beg on that occasion, it would probably be Jesus begging the unrepentant sinner, “Please, choose to stay. Please, use my Atonement—not just to be cleansed but to be changed so that you want to stay.”
The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can go home but that—amazingly—we can feel at home there. If Christ did not require faith and repentance, then there would be no desire to change. Think of your friends and family members who have chosen to live without faith and without repentance. They don’t want to change. They are not trying to abandon sin and become comfortable with God. Rather, they are trying to abandon God and become comfortable with sin. If Jesus did not require covenants and bestow the gift of the Holy Ghost, then there would be no way to change. We would be left forever with only willpower, with no access to His power. If Jesus did not require endurance to the end, then there would be no internalization of those changes over time. They would forever be surface and cosmetic rather than sinking inside us and becoming part of us—part of who we are. To return to our metaphor, if practice were not required, then we would never become pianists.
Sufficient to Help Us
“But Brother Wilcox, don’t you realize how hard it is to practice? I’m just not very good at the piano. I hit a lot of wrong notes. It takes me forever to get it right.” Now wait. Isn’t that all part of the learning process? When a young pianist hits a wrong note, we don’t say he is not worthy to keep practicing. We don’t expect him to be flawless. We just expect him to keep trying. Perfection may be his ultimate goal, but for now we can be content with movement in the right direction. Why is this perspective so easy to see in the context of learning piano but so hard to see in the context of learning heaven?
Too many are giving up on the Church because they are tired of constantly feeling like they are falling short. They have tried in the past, but they always feel like they are just not good enough. They don’t understand grace.
There are young women who know they “are daughters of [a] Heavenly Father who loves [them], and [they] love Him.” Then they graduate from high school, and the values they memorized are put to the test. They slip up. They let things go too far, and suddenly they think it is all over. These young women don’t understand grace.
There are young men who grow up their whole lives singing, “I hope they call me on a mission,” and then they do actually grow a foot or two and flake out completely. They get their Eagles, graduate from high school, and go away to college. Then suddenly these young men find out how easy it is to not be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, or reverent. They mess up. They say, “I’ll never do it again,” and then they do it. They say, “I’ll never do it again,” and then they do it. They say, “This is stupid. I will never do it again,” and then they do it. The guilt is almost unbearable. They don’t dare talk to a bishop. Instead, they hide. They say, “I can’t do this Mormon thing. I’ve tried, and the expectations are just way too high.” So they quit. These young men don’t understand grace.
I know returned missionaries who come home and slip back into bad habits they thought were over. They break promises made before God, angels, and witnesses, and they are convinced there is no hope for them now. They say, “Well, I’ve blown it. There is no use in even trying anymore.” Seriously? These young people have spent entire missions teaching people about Jesus Christ and His Atonement, and now they think there is no hope for them? These returned missionaries don’t understand grace.
I know young married couples who find out after the sealing ceremony is over that marriage requires adjustments. The pressures of life mount, and stress starts taking its toll financially, spiritually, and even sexually. Mistakes are made. Walls go up. And pretty soon these husbands and wives are talking with divorce lawyers rather than talking with each other. These couples don’t understand grace.
In all of these cases there should never be just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness (see 2 Cor. 12:9). When we understand grace, we can, as it says in the Doctrine and Covenants, “continue in patience until [we] are perfected” (D&C 67:13).
One young man wrote me the following e-mail: “I know God has all power, and I know He will help me if I’m worthy, but I’m just never worthy enough to ask for His help. I want Christ’s grace, but I always find myself stuck in the same self-defeating and impossible position: no work, no grace.”
I wrote him back and testified with all my heart that Christ is not waiting at the finish line once we have done “all we can do” (2 Ne. 25:23). He is with us every step of the way.
Elder Bruce C. Hafen has written, “The Savior’s gift of grace to us is not necessarily limited in time to ‘after’ all we can do. We may receive his grace before, during, and after the time when we expend our own efforts” (The Broken Heart [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1989], p. 155). So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher’s touch (see Heb. 12:2).
The first company of Saints entered the Salt Lake Valley on July 24, 1847. Their journey was difficult and challenging; still, they sang:
Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear; But with joy wend your way. Though hard to you this journey may appear, Grace shall be as your day. [“Come, Come, Ye Saints,” Hymns, rev. ed. (Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2002), no. 30]
“Grace shall be as your day”—what an interesting phrase. We have all sung it hundreds of times, but have we stopped to consider what it means? “Grace shall be as your day”: grace shall be like a day. As dark as night may become, we can always count on the sun coming up. As dark as our trials, sins, and mistakes may appear, we can always have confidence in the grace of Jesus Christ. Do we earn a sunrise? No. Do we have to be worthy of a chance to begin again? No. We just have to accept these blessings and take advantage of them. As sure as each brand-new day, grace—the enabling power of Jesus Christ—is constant. Faithful pioneers knew they were not alone. The task ahead of them was never as great as the power behind them.
Amazing Grace
The grace of Christ is sufficient—sufficient to cover our debt, sufficient to transform us, and sufficient to help us as long as that transformation process takes. The Book of Mormon teaches us to rely solely on “the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah” (2 Ne. 2:8). As we do, we do not discover—as some Christians believe—that Christ requires nothing of us. Rather, we discover the reason He requires so much and the strength to do all He asks (see Philip. 4:13). Grace is not the absence of God’s high expectations. Grace is the presence of God’s power (see Luke 1:37).
Elder Neal A. Maxwell once said the following:
Now may I speak . . . to those buffeted by false insecurity, who, though laboring devotedly in the Kingdom, have recurring feelings of falling forever short. . . .
. . . This feeling of inadequacy is . . . normal. There is no way the Church can honestly describe where we must yet go and what we must yet do without creating a sense of immense distance. . . .
. . . This is a gospel of grand expectations, but God’s grace is sufficient for each of us. [“Notwithstanding My Weakness,” Ensign, November 1976, pp. 12, 14]
With Elder Maxwell, I testify that God’s grace is sufficient. Jesus’ grace is sufficient. It is enough. It is all we need. Oh, young people, don’t quit. Keep trying. Don’t look for escapes and excuses. Look for the Lord and His perfect strength. Don’t search for someone to blame. Search for someone to help you. Seek Christ, and as you do, I promise you will feel the enabling power we call His amazing grace. I leave this testimony and all of my love—for I do love you. As God is my witness, I love the youth of this church. I believe in you. I’m pulling for you. And I’m not the only one. Parents are pulling for you, leaders are pulling for you, and prophets are pulling for you. And Jesus is pulling with you. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

2011 Blessing George our Blessing

 On Sept 11 we gathered as a family for the blessing of George. Both grandmas were able to come to town and be there. Also Aunt Stacy and Bob came from Iowa. The excitement began with Scott and I running late which was all my doing. I was boiling eggs and should have listened to my mom who said to make the food the night before. Stacy and mom left my house at 9 we didn't leave until 10:34am for an 11:00am blessing an hour away. I just knew we would miss it but Scott somehow got us there on time. There may have been some speeding which is very out of character for Scott but we made it in time to repent for speeding. As we walked in they were calling family up to the front. Scott never even sat down and he was followed close behind by Tom. In our church we bless little babies with a name and other blessing they might stand in need of. Men who are worthy and striving to live a Christ centered life who hold the priesthood are invited by the parents to stand in a circle around the baby as generally the father or grandfather gives a blessing. I was blessed by my grandpa Dixon. My dad was not very interested in church in my youth so I was lucky to have Grandpa do it. Anthony gave George his blessing. In the circle was Anthony, Scott, Andrew Sipherd, Sean, Kelly, and Tom (Dixon), Brent, Chad, Collin, and Jeremy (Snow).  I could tell Anthony was nervous. Others would not have noticed but I felt so bad because I knew it was a stressful day for him and I should have began earlier to prepare and be early at arriving so he was more comforted not wondering if we would make it. Then they forgot or could not find the binky. George was crying which is to very loud but with a microphone it amplified quite well and I know Anthony does not handle crying by anyone well especially crying while trying to bless. As all the men in the circle gently place their hands on the baby’s head while Anthony cradles him in his arms. It was beautiful. Anthony cried and began saying George was our families miracle. He is! What a little miracle. He was blessed to know of his families love all the Scharriers, his grandmas, his parents, friends and family. To love and follow the Lord. To enjoy physical health. I cried for the entire blessing I felt so grateful that we had a sweet new family member and that despite all the odds mom and baby were healthy and happy even if sleep deprived.
At the end of the blessing Anthony held him up for the entire congregation to see. I was so super smart to not wear make up as I knew I woudl be crying huge tears of happy! Then he slipped out into the hall to feed him. I went out after him to see if I could help. I got to feed him and tried to burp him but his dad had better luck by moving him back and forth tummy to back. Then when he was changing him George went wee wee all over his beautiful blessing outfit. He was changed out of the wet clothing and then got poop all over. Then after a third change he spit up all I had feed him. We were out of wipes, diapers, changes of clothing and still no binky. Anthony looked despondent as his dream of pictures with George in all white little suit faded and we hoped to find anything clean and dry to put on him. I told Anthony that these are the fun memories we will laugh at and maybe he could wear a white onsie and no one would tell in the photos. Anthony was blessed in a clown outfit. I am not kidding it is a white onsie with a clown on it. George has worn it for fun when he met Grandma Scharrier. It is hard when you have a certain idea of how you want things to happen only to have them fail. But mom Salina is a calm force and she rolls with the punches much better and more often than us Scharriers so she took it all in stride.
We had so much fun with all the cousins laughing and being together with my mom and welcoming George.    

2011 Uncle Denny

I am not sure where to even begin.I just can't quite do this yet. I will try again in a few months.

2011 Youth Conference

I'm just home from 3 days and two nights of awesome time spent with amazing youth ages 12 to 18. I am just in love with these amazing people. At my church Scott and I were in charge of planning for 50 or so youth a conference with the theme We Believe In Doing Good To All Men. First up was a planning Fireside where the youth, parents and leaders all fasted without food for 2 meals and prayed for inspiration on ways we could serve in the community. Elder Stanley Ellis is currently in our ward with his youngest daughter and wife. He spoke for us to kick off the 7 weeks service blitz. We had a goal of 2011 hours. Everyone at church got involved all ages from the 2 year old up to 102 year olds. It was neat to see everyone looking for ways to make a difference and lighten another load. We had 5 teams of 10 kids. They all choose a scripture theme and name. Then we have a family in our ward who volunteered to host us at the home away form home they recently purchased about an hour form where we live. It was like stepping into a Jane Austin novel. Trees and flowers and fun. they were renovating so no kitchen limited bathroom and no flooring or walls but it was so much fun. I did get a tiny bath in one day I sure love to be clean. My friend Sarah who had watched the Amazing Race helped me plan a big event on Thursday where we mimicked the Amazing Race but did service. We sang at nursing homes, cleaned homes and yards, read to children, wrote to missionaries. Had dinner with darling couples, played funny minute to win it games, did hard word searches, memorized articles of faith. broke 600 water balloons. Spent a Day boating. Had my friend Melanie and the Bishop talk tot he youth. The youth shared testimony of Christ and service and happiness. A fire pit and marshmallows roasting, watermelons and dutch oven cobbler. We had gourmet meals like Bro Rivera Chicken Penne Pesto Pasta, Huntsville BBQ, taco salad, yummy breakfast each morning, and snacks gallor. The kids loved talking to each other playing volleyball and bad mitten. My cousin Teri was a huge help from start to finish- could not have done ti with out her. I printed out 100 colored clues to hide and spent countless hours arranging and planning and the help everyone provided Friends made awards and helped fill water balloons. One night Scott slept outside and Kelli and I saved him form a wild animal which turned out to be a raccoon chasing a cat. The laughter and music and smiles... awesome. Getting to know Tracy, Terri, Kelli and all the ladies who helped at the race portion- wow. The men were great. It was so much fun I wish I had photos of all of it.
Seriously it was overwhelming to feel the love God has for these bright children who have the potential to change the world with the light and testimony they have. It was an honor and a privilege.

2010 Jami turns 8

One fun thing for me living close to family is making cakes for birthdays or holidays. I am not a pro but I do enjoy it. Also I help make invites. and cards. I think if I would practice baking, decorating, photography you name it I would improve as I Love to create. It was fun to take the photos of Jami and to be together as a family for the baptism. How wonderful to have her loving Christ and knowing she is a daughter of God who has provided a way to repent and always stay clean. Jami likes to help me organize and decorate and I love to have the kids over around the holidays and talk about my memories with my Grandma Dixon who make Christmas alive for me.

Happy Easter

Hope everyone had a nice Easter week. We have been having a few stresses of late and this awesome Easter video helped me remember that none of us is ever aloneJ I hope you enjoy the reminder also this Easter season. Whoever plays Christ in the video I think does a fantastic job. I especially love the parts where he is healing others and carrying the lamb. With all the time spent at the hospital the last week it really helps me feel love and hope.

I really needed this and hope you will enjoy it as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpFhS0dAduc

The Publicity Dilemma

SALT LAKE CITY 9 March 2009 Like other large faith groups, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints sometimes finds itself on the receiving end of attention from Hollywood or Broadway, television series or books, and the news media. Sometimes depictions of the Church and its people are quite accurate. Sometimes the images are false or play to stereotypes. Occasionally, they are in appallingly bad taste.
As Catholics, Jews and Muslims have known for centuries, such attention is inevitable once an institution or faith group reaches a size or prominence sufficient to attract notice. Yet Latter-day Saints – sometimes known as Mormons - still wonder whether and how they should respond when news or entertainment media insensitively trivialize or misrepresent sacred beliefs or practices.
Church members are about to face that question again. Before the first season of the HBO series Big Love aired more than two years ago, the show’s creators and HBO executives assured the Church that the series wouldn’t be about Mormons. However, Internet references to Big Love indicate that more and more Mormon themes are now being woven into the show and that the characters are often unsympathetic figures who come across as narrow and self-righteous. And according to TV Guide, it now seems the show’s writers are to depict what they understand to be sacred temple ceremonies.
Certainly Church members are offended when their most sacred practices are misrepresented or presented without context or understanding. Last week some Church members began e-mail chains calling for cancellations of subscriptions to AOL, which, like HBO, is owned by Time Warner. Certainly such a boycott by hundreds of thousands of computer-savvy Latter-day Saints could have an economic impact on the company. Individual Latter-day Saints have the right to take such actions if they choose.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as an institution does not call for boycotts. Such a step would simply generate the kind of controversy that the media loves and in the end would increase audiences for the series. As Elder M. Russell Ballard and Elder Robert D. Hales of the Council of the Twelve Apostles have both said recently, when expressing themselves in the public arena, Latter-day Saints should conduct themselves with dignity and thoughtfulness.
Not only is this the model that Jesus Christ taught and demonstrated in his own life, but it also reflects the reality of the strength and maturity of Church members today. As someone recently said, “This isn’t 1830, and there aren’t just six of us anymore.” In other words, with a global membership of thirteen and a half million there is no need to feel defensive when the Church is moving forward so rapidly. The Church’s strength is in its faithful members in 170-plus countries, and there is no evidence that extreme misrepresentations in the media that appeal only to a narrow audience have any long-term negative effect on the Church.
Examples:
During the Mitt Romney election campaign for the presidency of the United States, commentator Lawrence O’Donnell hurled abuse at the Church in a television moment that became known among many Church members as “the O’Donnell rant.” Today, his statements are remembered only as a testament to intolerance and ignorance. They had no effect on the Church that can be measured.
When the comedy writers for South Park produced a gross portrayal of Church history, individual Church members no doubt felt uncomfortable. But once again it inflicted no perceptible or lasting damage to a church that is growing by at least a quarter of a million new members every year.
When an independent film company produced a grossly distorted version of the Mountain Meadows Massacre two years ago, the Church ignored it. Perhaps partly as a result of that refusal to engender the controversy that the producers hoped for, the movie flopped at the box office and lost millions.
In recent months, some gay activists have barraged the media with accusations about “hateful” attitudes of Latter-day Saints in supporting Proposition 8 in California, which maintained the traditional definition of marriage. They even organized a protest march around the Salt Lake Temple. Again, the Church has refused to be goaded into a Mormons versus gays battle and has simply stated its position in tones that are reasonable and respectful. Meanwhile, missionary work and Church members in California remain as robust and vibrant as ever, and support for the Church has come from many unexpected quarters — including some former critics and other churches.
Now comes another series of Big Love, and despite earlier assurances from HBO it once again blurs the distinctions between The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the show’s fictional non-Mormon characters and their practices. Such things say much more about the insensitivities of writers, producers and TV executives than they say about Latter-day Saints.
If the Church allowed critics and opponents to choose the ground on which its battles are fought, it would risk being distracted from the focus and mission it has pursued successfully for nearly 180 years. Instead, the Church itself will determine its own course as it continues to preach the restored gospel of Jesus Christ throughout the world.

Hawaii Spirit

The Hawaiian people are a very spiritual people. Churches dot all the islands. My church has temples all over the world and 2 in Hawaii. One on the big island and one on Oahu. Temples are special places of worship. Each one has nice grounds to visit, even if you are not a member or wish to go inside. They have beautiful flowers and displays about family history and the meaning of life. I like to see them as I travel around to see how each one is different. I was shocked to feel how strong the spirit was at the Temple in Hawaii. I don't generally walk on the grounds to the Temple and have a wave of emotion like I did there. Scott saw it first and said "hey Miss- there it is". As I looked over I had this warm feeling of peace and love sweep over my whole body. I can't describe the wonderful love I felt. I'm not totally sure why I was privileged to feel that on that day. I do not have any special ties to the people of Hawaii. Tears just rolled down my face and I felt so happy walking around the grounds and feeling the beauty of Gods creations. There is a cool statue I had never seen before of Lehi giving a blessing to his son, it also moved me. I asked one of the missionaries about the Temple and she mentioned that when it was dedicated it was given a special blessing to have a sweet spirit that would touch those who visited the grounds. I am very humbled to know that God lives and that his main goal is our happiness. that I can forever be with him and the ones I love. What a special day I had on the grounds of the Temple.

Elder Ballard

I just recently had the best evening ever. My Stake was lucky to have an apostle come to visit us. Elder Ballard and Elder Curtis joined us at our recent Stake Conference. WOW. I just was mesmerized by the spirit at the Sat. night session. It is for all adults 18 and older. It was as silent as I have ever heard as we enjoyed each talk and the music. The counsel he gave to us (really meant for all who want to feel peace from the storms that lie ahead) was simple straight forward and filled with hope. He was down to earth, straight forward, serious and firm yet warm and the love I felt from him for all mankind- wow. To be in the same building with an apostle of the Lord… wow. I thought back in time to when Christ was on the earth and the 12 who served him then. Here I am blessed to be born at a time when the power of God is on the earth again. To have guidance from a living Prophet and to know the fundamentals and doctrines of God do not change to meet every whim of fancy is to me a huge comfort. (If you would like my jumbled missyish notes email me and I will send them to you.)
He spoke of the evil around us and how Satan rages yet what a marvelous time to be alive. That by following Gods plan we can be protected from the great trials that lie ahead. I felt so safe and excited about the future be it the best or worst. He ended with this poem…
“A mighty wind blew night and day, it stole the oak trees leaves away, Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark until the oak was tired and stark. But still the oak tree held its ground while other trees fell all around... The weary wind gave up and spoke, "How can you still be standing, Oak?" The oak tree said, "I know that you can break each branch of mine in two, carry every leaf away, shake my limbs, and make me sway. But I have roots stretched in the earth, growing stronger since my birth. You'll never touch them, for you see, they are the deepest part of me. Until today, I wasn't sure of just how much I could endure. But now I've found with thanks to you I'm stronger than I ever new."

Come listen to a Prophets Voice

I was lucky to have my new friend Hilary go with me to Women's Conference this year down at BYU. Hilary played my best friend in the play, Zaza. She is an amazing dancer and I just adore her. She is also married to the Phantom and a fantastic dancer. My usual BYU buddies were all otherwise engaged and unable to attend. Hilary had never been and we had an awesome time. It is an amazing feeling to be with 22,000 women who are seeking to follow Jesus Christ. There is a sense of belonging and I always feel so special to be a woman and a daughter to God. I am overwhelmed by the education, leadership, social, spiritual, and growth opportunities provide me by being a woman and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints. I am not saying the men are not wonderful I think we are equal but we are different and boy am I glad because I know I could not handle being married to myself. I'll take Scott any day. The best thing (other than my very late night chat with Hilary and Sarah) was the surprise speaker at the end. I had the chance to hear our brand new prophet a few weeks ago but one of my favorite little buddies was being baptized at the same time. SO with a sad heart yet knowing I was doing the right thing I went to the baptism. She pointed out to me that I would have other chances to see our prophet but she was only being baptized once. I was beyond thrilled to hear that our Prophet President Thomas S. Monson was going to be there at BYU. I had been feeling very numb. After several weeks of bad news after sad news I think I had somewhat shut down emotionally. I am generally a very good crier. I cry at almost any emotion. Happy, sad, joy, fear, glad, tired-- you name it I have shed a few tears. My dad use to tease me that I was sensitive even at birth. Aunt Sue always tells me I am the most overly sensitive girl on earth- that is a tall order to fill, but I do my best to live up to it. For over a week I had felt nothing. During funerals and even others shedding tears I could not cry or feel anything. The first day of the Conference I enjoyed the talks but felt nothing. I think it freaked our family and friends who are used to my make-up stained checks. As I listened to the talks I realized that I was missing out on a very important goal of mine. I want to become more like my Father in Heaven- guess what? He has a tender heart, soft heart, compassionate heart- yip a love so much you cry at parting heart. Then I felt a wave of love wash over me and cried for the next 6 hours. When I do something I really like to do it with style. I know you do not need to cry to show love or to feel the spirit. Crying is a spiritual gift- I believe. My tear ducts are just attached to a neighboring drinking fountain and every time someone sips... I tear up. President Monson is our Prophet, he speaks for God. I have no doubt of this. As he entered the building I could feel this beautiful peace. It is hard to describe feelings but it is not like contentment to sit and strum a harp peace. It is a moving stirring call to love and serve and be better a feeling that also has a calm feel that all will be allright for God is aware and over us all kind of peace. All the women fell silent, then stood, then started to sing. It was not planned it was spontaneous, it was cool. He was warm and human. He was funny and profound. He has the mantle of God. He counseled us to focus on the good we are doing, to let go of works like someday or one day and start to find joy in the now. Everyday is a gift. If we have made a mistake- get over it or make it right and move on because problems are not as important as people. Share love and time with people. Then he spoke about all the adversity, pain, suffering and storms we will all face or are now facing. That no matter how hard we try to avoid them they will still come. Because that is why we are here on earth-- to grow and learn and love. We have to endure and exercise faith. We are being refined and our beauty polished. If you are at the end tie a knot and hang on. No pain is wasted as it develops patience, faith, humility, fortitude and character. I felt like I could do anything, that I could finish the journey and find Joy in the process. I felt like a beloved daughter of God- I felt like me. I love President Monson. If you have a testimony of our dear Prophet I think it would be really neat to share it with someone you love. Change is hard and people loved President Hinckley but the voice for right now is Thomas S. Monson. He is the perfect one for our time right now and if we will seek after his advice and ponder his teachings we will have a lasting joy and an anchor to God.
Here are a few of the actual quotes...President Monson encouraged the sisters to live every day as if it were a special occasion, to focus on accomplishments rather than on what still needs to be done and to remember that adversity is necessary for progress.
"Each one of you is living a life filled with much to do," Monson said. "I plead with you not to let the important things in life pass you by."
President Monson told the sisters a story of a man who, following his wife's death, found one of her precious things in a drawer. The item was purchased nine years before but never worn. President Monson explained how the wife had been waiting for a special occasion to wear the item.
"Don't save something for a special occasion," President Monson said. "Everyday of life is a special occasion."
President Monson used attributes such as sensitivity, selflessness and compassion to describe the sisters at the conference. He also made sure to include in his address single women, single mothers, grandmothers and those that have aging parents.
"You love and forgive with good hearts and willing hands," Monson said. "You make a real difference in the lives of others.
"The good you've done, the kind words you've spoken, the love you've shown to others, can never be fully measured," President Monson said.
He encouraged the sisters to focus on the service they are constantly rendering to everyone around them, rather than what they still need to do.
"No matter how carefully we plan our lives, we can't avoid all the storms that come our way," President Monson said.
He told the sisters that all suffering has a purpose; that it builds our character and helps us progress. He mentioned that no suffering is wasted.
"These and other trials present us with a real test of our ability to endure," President Monson said. He told the sisters that the Lord alone offers us eternal peace in times of adversity.
As soon as the prophet entered the room, more than 20,000 sisters greeted him reverently by singing "We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet." Watching how all the sisters reacted, how they spontaneously started singing, I will always cherish. He looked surprised and humbled.
I have been attending the conference for years and this was only the second time a prophet has come. How lucky and loved I felt to have our Prophet come and speak to me:) or all of us:) but it felt like it was just for me:)

Some days are Good and others are better

Yesterday we attended the funeral of one of our friends moms. It was a very nice service focused on the Savior and this amazing woman who gave her whole life to loving others. She had a masters in special education, she took being a mom very seriously and has these awesome kids. 3 of them are under the age 15 and have downs, 2 are also autistic. I am in awe of her. On several occasions when I had the blessing of being around her I was stunned at her grace, compassion, and intelligence. She was so forgiving and never had a hard time expressing herself. I never knew her healthy. She had been suffering from brain tumors and had outlived any dreaded dates the doctors had given her. Her daughter in law loved her, her friends admired her and she was simple woman with an amazing faith and a great sense of hope. I pray for her hubby who is faced with raising these children who will never leave home, all by himself. I was thinking about how I know she is OK, I know she will live again, I know she will one day be with her family again, but I cry because of the loneliness of the ones left behind for now. That is the part of death I don't like, the miss them for now part. Our friend Karson gave a beautiful talk testifying about how death is part of the plan of life and I know it was true what he said yet I still feel sad about the loss. One of her new friends said she loved learning from her that somedays are good and others are better. What an awesome lady she was, I got to be with her a few years back on my birthday and it was inspiring to see all that is possible with the human heart when you turn yourself over to God.

Lots to Learn

Over the last year or so a good number of the teenage girls I work with at church have grown out their tresses and then lopped them off for Locks of Love. Locks of Love is a company that makes hair for children who due to medical conditions can no longer grow hair on their own. From this company they are able to make real hair wigs for them. My friend Mindie was recently telling me a little more about it. They like to have 10 inch section of hair, clean and dry, braided or in a pony tail. You can not send it is if it has been bleached but it can have been colored. I have been growing mine out to donate. It has been a challenge because I have not had long long hair for a long time and it was driving Scott and I crazy. Mindie measured me on Wed. and I was a 7 inches if I had a little length in my front and chopped the back short. Mindie explained that they also accept smaller lengths which they use to make hair pieces and wigs to sell to raise money to off set the cost of the charity. I sat and weighed the options. I could go crazy for another 3 to 6 months headed toward Lady Godiva land or I could be brave and chop chop right then and there.
While Scott had his cut I sat and vacillated. The last time I had short hair was in 1997. I was thin then and everyone loved the cut. People would say "OH- that is your cut- super cute. After the hysterectomy and thyroid burn out the weight piled on and I think I grew my hair out kind of hiding, which did not work as when you gain around 30+ pounds per month people notice. People were in shock and would say really rude remarks unintentionally. "Missy, you are HUGE, what happened?" Often I would allow it to hurt my feelings and just cry. I was already heart broken at not having a child, and with immediate menopause it was an explosive emotional roller coaster. I finally would reply back with things like "Oh wow- you are right- I am really fat! I was thinking the dryer had shrunk everything but instead it is because I am a fatty, thanks for letting me know." The people would get uncomfortable and leave me alone with my "new" revelation. The weight finally stopped after almost 100 pounds. The weird thing is I would not trade it for anything. First- it was the heartbreak of the total hysterectomy that humbled me to allow God in my life. After that I was able to believe in Jesus as the Christ. Then my whole life changed forever and since I have been a happy person. Second- I have learned that appearances can be deceiving and are not the most important thing in the world. I used to be very self conscious and worried about how I looked. It would stop me from trying new things and generally take up lots of precious time as I fretted about before mirrors. Third- I didn't look at people from the outside as much. I started to listen to who they really were. I realized that we are all children of God with spirits and we each have a different vehicle to drive while here. Some are dump trucks, some are buses, and some are cooper minis, and that is OK. The world can be a hard place where judgments are harsh, nut I learned that it is a good ideas to cut some slack to people because you really never know what is in their hearts or the whys that propel them to make the choices they do. I'm glad Someone Else is the judge not me. Forth- I learned to not be tied to outward praises or other people opinions. I would place way to much emphasis on others comments and complements. Why not listen to the only one that matters God who loves each and everyone of us. We all have enormous worth in the eyes of God, and it can't be taken from us like sagging boobs and wrinkled faces can. Fifth- That the Star Belly Sneetches story is genius and why would we all want to look alike? Variety is the spice of life and if you quit trying to be someone else you can really shine as you. Sixth- To not flatter myself in to thinking the world revolved around me or that people were thinking constantly about me. As I listen to the teenagers in my life, I hear them worry about what so and so is thinking. However I have learned that so and so is caught up in worrying about themselves and not spending anytime thinking about little old me. Here is a test to prove my theory on this one. What was your neighbor wearing last Monday? What were you wearing? 9 times out of 10 no one can answer the first ? and less than 30 % can answer the second ?.
As I waited for my turn in the salon seat I decided to take the plunge now and chop it off. Many of the cute ladies at the salon encouraged me and Scott thinks it is adorable but most important I love it. I'm so glad I did it. It felt great to fill out the paper work for Locks of Love and think that some little person out there will benefit from the sale of my locks so they can have a little ground cover. If you have ever thought of donating hair I highly recommend it. The only advice I have is bring a camera. Scott only had his camera phone so the photos of that day are not the best but it was a spur of the moment cut. It is very short and stacked in theback which takes getting used to but it sure is a fun cut. Here to lots more love.

Kelise

Kelsie is such a good sweet spirit. She is obedient because she has a great love for her Father in Heaven and also feels his great love for her. We were watching the Suite Life on Disney channel and she asked me “aren’t we supposed to be 18 before we date?” on the show the boys are 13 and have steady girlfriends and single date. I got my copy of For the Strength of Youth. We read together the counsel of the Lord on waiting to date until you are atleast 16 and that at that age there is no quota or rush. Next we watched “Cheaper by the Dozen” where a young girl lives with her boyfriend, Kelsie again asked “What does it say in the Strength about living with your boyfriend, and how about saying bad words?” She is only 7 years old but her parents have done an amazing job because they put being a spouse and parent above anything else in the world. They are not perfect, no one is perfect but they have a perfect desire to please God, to live the plan of happiness. Kelise isn’t judging others; she is learning that in life you do have to make judgments on what you will do with your choices. It is a fine line we walk in life between following the counsel of God and not elevating ourselves falsely somehow. The choices we make don’t make our worth any greater in the eyes of our Father in Heaven, he doesn’t play favorites. He does keep his promises, and he is bound to fullfill them based on our choices. Plus we are very lucky to have repentance and second chances:) I love that Kelsie is learning at a young age Who she is, Why she is here, What she can do to find lasting happiness, Where she came from before this earth, and When her choices count.

Building Families

Tonight it was wonderful to attend the world wide training on the family at my church. There are trends and forces at work fighting against the very establishment of families, which I believe are the basic unit of society. It was the first time I was able to hear our new Prophet, President Monson speak. He has great love for all of us, he is very comforting. I did get to hear the press conference when he announced he was the next President of the church. I was holding McKenna who sat and listened and Jesus when I told her that he was the voice of God on the earth and a special witness of Jesus Christ. She is not even two years old and can recognize the spirit and feel reverence and love for Jesus- who awesome! I had been excited to think we might perhaps hear a last message from President Hinckley as they pre record the trainings so they can be translated into 70 languages. Elder Holland announced that we would be hearing from our new President I felt happy. It is a witness that the work moves on. It was a little strange to see President Monson’s name as the head of our church, yet the spirit is working in me so I can have my own personal witness that Pres. Monson is the prophet. I felt feed tonight; I was engaged in the training and loved being there to hear it. I pondered about how I can be a better support to the mothers in my life. My best friend is pregnant and having a hard time physically and mentally. I could do more to encourage and support her decision to follow the spirit and obey even if it was a hard choice. I was reminded to not look to the world for answers but to get on my knees in prayer and together with my husband decide what is best for our family. I thought of all the women in my childhood who reached out to me. There were a few from our neighborhood who seemed to always have a way of making me feel special. They gave me the part of Mary in the Christmas play year after year. They thought of ways to include me and increase my talents. I reflected on all the Aunts in my life, who I adore. The teachers I connected with, the friends I looked up to. It was often one of them that could reach me when my parents would not. I felt a little perplexed in my efforts of standing tall for the kids in my life; I know I can do better. I want to be able to love others better and not be so harsh on my judgments of my own performance or anyone else’s. It was a good reminder of the warning given too all to be kind to each other to love and not judge. It burned in my heart when they said… Family is central to the plan of happiness, that we follow a loving God, that gender, marriage, our divinity are not new but started before the earth was created. Life is not easy but it is possible to have great joy, family comes first, do not settle, how important avoiding emotional homesickness is, to let go of guilt and tap into the mantle we have in our families of protection, guidance, love, and inspiration. We were counseled to reclaim the Joy of the Sabbath, to establish a pattern of Prayer, a house of learning, and a legacy of love. To ask how we can support the families we serve not the other way around. The photo my friend Michele showed to me last night. I love to be at the Teran house. It is so sweet to see the love they have for the grandkids and kids and all they do for each other.

Together Again

I'm glad to know that President Hinckley is with his sweet wife once again:) What a blessing to be surround by family. Today I attended 2 different ward conference as part of my Stake YW calling. At each one I was able to sustain Pres. Hinckley as prophet, seer, and revelator. I was telling Emily that is my favorite part to our stake calling that we get to do that so many times with each ward. Scott and I had fallen asleep and got a text message, we were in shock. We knew he didn't enjoy good health, but did not know of late he was ill. My mom tells me that during my life I would always come and listen to Pres. Hinckley speak, this was long before he was Prophet or I had a testimony of the church. My parents would have conference on and whenever it was Gordon B Hinckley speaking I would walk into the room and sit and watch. My mom says I would say there is something about him I like- he is direct, he is full of love, he was funny, he had hope, he was extraordinary. My parents always felt it was no surprise that he was Prophet when I gained a testimony, when my husband was baptized and later called as Bishop. I don't like change but I do like to think he is with his sweetheart again:)
Here is what the WHite house had to say about his death...
Laura and I are deeply saddened by the death of our friend, Gordon B. Hinckley. While serving for over seven decades in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Gordon demonstrated the heart of a servant and the wisdom of a leader. He was a tireless worker and a talented communicator who was respected in his community and beloved by his congregation. As President of his church, he traveled to more than 60 countries to spread a message of love and optimism to the millions of people around the world who shared his faith. A Mayflower descendent and the grandson of Mormon pioneers, Gordon was a deeply patriotic man. His leadership and service strengthened the Board of Trustees of Brigham Young University, the Boy Scouts of America, and the 2002 Winter Olympic Games in Salt Lake City. In 2004, I was honored to present him with the Medal of Freedom, our Nation's highest civil award, in recognition of his lifelong public service. Laura and I will miss Gordon's friendship and wisdom. Our thoughts and prayers are with his five children and the rest of the Hinckley family.
It has been over a week since I wrote the first part of this post. I wanted to take some time to write down a few thoughts from my heart so I leave a record of the witness I had of President Hinckley being a prophet of God. I will never forget the times I was able to be near him while he was alive. I never was able to speak to him or shake his hand but the times I did see him I will ever treasure. The first time was during one of the Days of 47 Parades, it is a big deal in the state I live. It celebrates our statehood and the day Mormon pioneers entered the Utah valley from their exodus from back east. I had family in that group. We have a big parade which Pres. Hinckley served for years as grand marshal. He was riding in an open car with his sweet wife. He looked right at me and with a big smile waved. I felt so warm and happy with one looks and smile. Scott was able to direct his car in the parade a few years later and got a big hello. The next time was in Southern Utah at a dedication at Dixie College, he was so close and funny and smart, I felt chills to think that he was a special witness of Jesus Christ and Gods voice on the earth. Next it was at BYU at a Women’s Conference. As he entered unannounced a hush fell among us we could not yet see him but we could feel him. We all rose to our feet and impromptu sang We Thank Thee oh God for a Prophet, he made me feel so proud to be a daughter of God, and he helped me realize how special I was in Gods eyes. The last time I saw him in person was at his 95 birthday celebration. Candice got me a ticket and it was a highlight I will never forget. A woman rushed the stage that night and was subdued by security and Pres. Hinckley was not fazed, the spirit was strong with him. He did wonderful things for the children of the whole earth with charity and generosity. He was gracious and powerful. He made no excuses because he knew the truth about the true identity of all of us on earth- his brother’s and sisters. I will miss the sound of his voice but I know he still lives and he is happy and he still is working on bringing souls to Christ. I will also sustain President Monson as my new prophet, because I believe that the Lord provides exactly what we need in each season and they will be different in style but not in purpose or mission- bringing souls to Christ and healing the troubled heart and making families forever. I watched the funeral 3 times in the BYU channel. I am proud to have had the witness of the Holy Ghost that Gordon B Hinckley was a prophet of God.

Individual Worth

Last night I went to help my friend who's father in law had passed away and babysat overnight. I could not sleep but she has this totally cool record live TV thingy. Remember I don't get much TV since Scott is anti. So we don't have any bells or whistles with our TV. Natalie had recorded the

Osmond's on Oprah and on Larry King. I was very

impressed with how much this family loves each other. They really seem to enjoy and appreciate everyone. I was Marie for 3 years as a child for Halloween. I even cut off my long blond locks while my mom slept because Marie got a hair cut. It was Maire and Dorthy Hamill. I was more into Marie than I was into Donny. Scott met one of Merrill Osmond's sons named Justin who does awesome missions around the world to help children afford hearing aids. He also suffered a hearing loss. http://justinosmond.com/ Read more about his amazing life and spirit http://justinosmond.com/about_justin.htm. The thing I really like about the Osmond's is how down to earth they are. Sure Maire is way over the top and they are cheesy but they just seem so nice. I read where Robert Redford said all Mormons are trained from birth to be plastic, that all Mormons serve missions, where they are trained to deflect. I think that it is funny that Redford has to come up with some sort of excuse for the fact that some Mormons are great public speakers and that we don't have anything to hide. I think that in the world today people are not quite sure what to make of us Latter Day Saints. We are weird and very different from the world. We believe in being modest and that love can last forever. That is far off from the enticements in ads saying to do whatever makes you feel good in the moment, despite who may get hurt. I know that we are far from perfect- that is after all why have a Savior. I guess right now people will make judgments about who I am based on Mitt and the Osmund's, I'm OK with that. After all the world makes judgement's on who I am as an American off of Brittney Spears and Bush. I hope that I can be better at not grouping people but really recognizing that we each have individual worth, that each is special in the eyes of God no matter who are what they are. We are all miracles as I was reminded last night for 2 reasons. 1. I watched the show about the human body from the inside WOW! 2. Emily's little one might have died from a bad fall. Really every minute is a gift. I'm glad for the example of love the Osmond's have for each other, I know I could be far better at being a family member to my family.

Visiting

Today was a really neat day. I got to be with Scott all day and we made visits to friends and church family that are in hospitals all over the valley we live in. It always feels really good to take the time to listen to someone. They were all in different degrees of illness. One that was very sad was at a Alzheimer's center. It made me remember my grandfathers death and suffering with that illness. The cute husband spends all day long there with his wife of over 60 years, he goes home at night only to sleep. I like that they had 2 dogs and a cat that live at the center. As I talked with another very sick woman who is facing death I thought about her suffering and wondered why. Then I thought about the fact that if it weren't for aging and suffering-- would we ever be able to really let go of this life. My belief is our spirit lives on past this life and did not start in this life. One of the people I talked with today said they didn't believe there was ever anything before this life nor would there be anything after. I thought that sounded really yucky. To each his own. For me I love to know I will live again, that I have the opportunity to be with the awesome people I love and miss that have died, to know that my spirit will go on and continue to learn and grow. I don't believe that death means I will sit on some cloud and strum a harp. I think I will still be engaged in learning and loving and growing. As I held the hands today of the ones who are dying I somehow felt at peace thinking of how glorious it will be for them to be in total joy and light. They are children of God, who loves them with out measure. It was great to see so many blessings all around and so many loving people serving those in need. I guess it helped me remember that getting old may have many whys. For learning and experience, perhaps also to help in leaving this phase of life.

Prayer

I think one of the best things ever is prayer. There are times when it appears that there is nothing one can do to ease pain or discomfort and then I think of prayer. It is a comfort and blessing. I really believe that a loving Father listens to each and every heartfelt prayer. Today my prayers are for Ken whose dad died yesterday far away in Canada. He loved having long deep talks with his dad. My heart also prays for Candice's family as her mom is having brain operation all day long. Her mom is amazing. It is hard to feel helpless but with prayer I can express my feelings and desires and I feel loved and understood. It is amazing to me how at any one time so many can be suffering with totally different things yet we are all in this together. We really are connected and what happens to one happens to all. I was talking with my brother last night and realized we won't be seeing him often if ever. Each only has so much vacation time and when you are married your spouse has friends, family and they often come first. But instead of being sad I thought about all the great times I did have with him. Now he is living a different life far away. I'm glad I have good photos and memories. It is just like he is just another person, where he used to be our best friend. Scott says it is good for us to just be on our own and do what is best for us. We use to base every decision on being close to family but now we will be deciding what is best for our little family. Aunt Sue has a hard time with the stairs and Scott has been dreaming about a dog for years so it may be a rambler is in our future. In the future when we make a move I pray that we end up right where we are supposed to be- even if it wasn't what I thought I wanted. God knows what is better for me than I do, believe me I have found out the hard way on that one. I guess that is what I am struggling to learn- to trust his will when it seems like a different way is best for me. But prayer can even help me with that. The best example I have of prayer is Aunt Sue. She really believe is prayer- always has. She is also praying with me today for Candice and Ken.

Stake Conference

Scott was a speaker and he did great. He really gets nervous with public speaking but he always does a great job. I loved 2 of the talks especially. One about slowing down and the other about being a better person. The slow down one was funny because it started out with a story of a little girl looking at a statue of Jesus with his hand stretched out. She turned to her dad and said... Jesus says slow down. It is great advice to really think about what is most important in life and cut out some of the extra. I have been thinking about if I were my grandparent's looking back on my life what would I think? Would I worry more about Arbonne or my PTA newsletter or how I could have done more for my family by juts listening and not passing judgement. My cute friend Emily also spoke and did a great job about being a woman in Christ. I love the adult session and that the Sunday session was broadcast from downtown to a huge group. I had fun on Sunday night because we got to be with Terans and Kinikinis and talk about the conference. It was Doug that ordained Scott a High Priest we just love being with them. It was crazy to have General, Stake and Regional conference in the same month but what a spiritual pick me up:) Tonight we had our Stake Training and I loved seeing all the neat sisters I get to serve with.

Restored

Today was one of my favorite times of the year. There are 4 days each year where I gather with family and take a hiatus from the world and reflect on the word of God at my church's General Conference. Aunt Sue really enjoyed both session today. She said the first one felt like it was meant just for her and full of hope. The second session she loved because of the plain messages of what it is we believe as Mormons. We have gotten attention from the media recently which has focused on all kinds of random facets of our religion. One thing I loved today was our leaders reminding us to be honest in answering question's and that there is a difference in curiosity and interest. I love hearing the plain simple truths that I believe that resonate inside me. It is always the closest thing to joy I feel. I get happy often but the joy I feel when thinking about Christ is really different. I loved being reminded today that I am a member of a restored religion, Jesus Christ at the head. Many people don't always see us that way. Some feel that we blindly follow a made up set of theories. In two talks by Holland and Nelson they addressed questions I often hear in my travels about our church. You can read or listen to them at www.LDS.ORG. I believe that God is my literal Father, that he knows me. It is comforting to think of this. I also believe in Jesus as the Christ- which made me cry the whole 4 hours. I think about my own weaknesses, which are many. I think of the amazing blessing I do have that often I over look. I think how some things I can do so easy yet when I heard the scriptures about loving and supporting other I realized how I have fallen short. One of the talks was about what happens to one happens to all. The scripture I usually love made me cringe-- now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life— The reason for this is so painful I try to not even talk about. Because to me the scripture read-- now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
9 Yea, and are willing to be sweet to your little brother who moves all the way to Iowa; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to love your sister in law who is a wonderful daughter of God, that ye may be redeemed of God— I use to hear about brothers and sisters who have major problems and think I'm glad I don't have problems like that. My brother was my best friend, we were very close and then he married a girl from Iowa. I did not want him to do this-- she is an amazing person, so giving, hard worker, great with kids- yet from Iowa and I knew that meant bye bye. As soon as I met her family I knew they would end up in Iowa. Her aunt and sister were set on it. Then I relaxed because when they would go for a visit or talk to them back there they didn't seem as clingy as our family. I thought well we are safe, they will stay here. I really feel like I have been in a daze for the last 4 months. I was no support to them when they moved I don't even really talk to them. I'm thrilled for them and think they have to do what is best for them. But they were the only family Scott and I had here. I don't have kids to distract myself with or other family to hang out with. I know I am in the wrong. I believe that one day I will be able to bear this. I'm sure it seems petty to most and confusing to the rest- it is a long story. But I do think they are both incredible people and Iowa is lucky to have them and I will just keep repenting and trying to be a better follower of Christ. They were married in Oct. three years ago. One of the things we did was conference. Scott was sad to not have his crown burger buddy and went by himself. I'm still crying.